Stillness

silence-stillness-meditation

stillness wraps around me like a blanket
i breathe its fragrance in
a meditation on ecstasy

There is freedom here
no hurrying around forcing my way
only relaxation and contemplation
and peace

a vast expansiveness echoes in this space
yet I do not feel afraid
nor alone

love surrounds me
it strokes my cheek like a lover
it speaks my name as friend

Strawberry Coconut Chia Pudding

Strawberries & CreamI’m always looking for a quick and healthy breakfast.  One that isn’t to heavy before my morning yoga practice yet still is filling enough to fuel me before I get the chance to eat something more substantial.  This recipe fit the bill!  I “accidentally” created this recipe one day when my coconut milk wasn’t thick enough.

Ingredients:

1 can extra creamy coconut milk (I used Trader Joe’s)
3 tablespoons of sugar-free strawberry spread
2 tablespoons of chia seeds

Throw the ingredients into a blender and mix until smooth.  Pour mixture into a glass container and chill for at least 30 minutes.  When ready to serve toss in some sliced strawberries and serve.

No More Pretend Boyfriends

631fe42ecdb0379876b382e6af736a3cI’m swearing off pretend boyfriends.  What’s a pretend boyfriend?  He’s the one you are having a relationship with in your head but not in real life.

This all started when I was pretty young and just getting interested in boys.  I was pretty shy then and could barely put two sentences together let alone talk to the male of the species.  I would often daydream about being with one of them, just like any young girl, but my daydreaming was at a whole other level.  I created entire stories around these boys.  As I grew into an adult this didn’t stop and instead became a life long pattern on my part.

I recently had a break up from my last relationship and the letting go process has been long and painful.  I would do well for a while and feel as if I had moved through the worst and then I would reach out to him.  I did this several times over the past three months with no response on his part.  This non-response, instead of helping me move on, just made me feel like a crazy woman for reaching out in the first place.  The logical part of me knew that this was The Universe (and him) telling me that this relationship was dead in the water.  The other part of me, the part that couldn’t let go, just ended up spiraling down into a needy, emotional mess.

Recently, I asked myself, what it would mean to let him go.  The answer:  I was afraid of being alone.  If he took up space in my head then I wasn’t really alone.  I would spend energy thinking he just needs time.  Or, that it doesn’t make sense that he could just stop loving me.  He just needs to figure things out.  You see, I’d rather have a man in my head than not have one in my bed.  That was a hard truth for this girl to swallow.  It really, really sucked to realize this about myself.

This actually came at quite a surprise.  I’ve never experienced aloneness in my life.  At least not until now.  I never allowed myself.  I have a strong connection to my spirit self.  I talk to guides, angels, family who’ve passed on, etc. so am never really alone.  I didn’t realize until that moment that being alone and feeling alone are two separate things.  I am good at spending time alone.  In fact, I crave it, but I have distracted myself with pretend boyfriends to avoid feeling it.

I have decided to face my fears around this issue.  The first step is to let this former relationship go for realz.  No more fantasies about him reaching out to me, coming to his senses, realizing what he’d lost . . . no more reaching out to him.

Step two is to embrace being alone.  I mean to do those things that I’m afraid to do alone.  For example, yesterday, I went to the MN Irish Fair by myself.  I do not like crowds of people so this was a big deal for me.  Between figuring out how to get there, how much it cost, what to do once I got there all took a Herculean inner strength on my part.  I felt this act was my declaration of independence from my old way of being.  And, I loved the fair!  I plan on going on more solo adventures in the near future.

Step Three:  take the rest of this year off from men.  This means no fantasy relationships and no dating either.  I want to give myself time to really integrate not being in a relationship before I put myself out there again.  You see, I’ve been single a lot but I’ve never not had a pretend boyfriend during those spaces in between my relationships.

Step four is to really be alone with myself.  I can distract myself for hours, reading fiction or browsing on the internet or watching movies.  I will be limiting those things from my daily life.  I want to spend more time writing, walking in nature, practicing yoga and meditation.  Even though I already do those things I am often not really present while I am.  I can honestly say this scares me.  Who wants to feel aloneness, right?  Me.  That’s who.  I want to kick this fears ass!

The goal of this is to accept that I am enough on my own and to never lose myself in a relationship again.  In my unconscious fear of feeling alone, when a relationship began to fail, I would change.  I would desperately become someone else to try to save the relationship.  I would abandon myself to stay with them.  This new way of being is a supreme act of self-love.  I know that I am up to the task, yet I am afraid.  I am afraid that I will never have that great love.  I am not there yet but I know this great love that I long for is me.

Find out more about Della here.

Paleo Muffin Cups

Paleo Muffin CupsI’ve been craving bread lately and have been wanting to find something to replace it.  I found a recipe in Cooking With Coconut Flour by Bruce Fife and adapted it for paleo.  This can be used for both sweet or savory dishes.

Ingredients:
4  eggs
1/2  cup coconut milk
1/4  teaspoon salt
2  tablespoons coconut flour
3  tablespoons arrow root powder

Mix all ingredients together in a blender and pour into muffin cups.  Bake at 425 degrees for 20 minutes.  These will be puffy right out of the oven and then drop like a souffle after a minute or two making a perfect “cup” for fillings such as raspberries with coconut creme or  sun dried tomatoes, artichokes and goat cheese as seen in the photo.  Makes 6 servings.

www.innerpeacemovementstudio.com

Smashed Avocado

Smashed Avocado

Smashed Avocado is a delicious topping for scrambled eggs (seen here), sandwiches, dip for chips or veggies, etc.

Recipe:

1 very ripe avocado
1-2 tsp. nutritional yeast
smoked salt to taste

Smash all the ingredients together and serve.

Sheilds Up! The Auric Field & You

Auric-Field-e1401095390122When my son was a little boy we use to watch a lot of Star Trek.  The captain, when protecting his ship, would tell the crew, “Shields Up!”.  When it came time to teach my son about the Auric field I would tell him to put his shields up just like in the show.  We would do this whenever we would be go into a place where there were a lot of people and unknown energies.

The Auric field is an energy field that surrounds all living things.  A human’s energy field extends from and beyond the body.  A strong aura will protect you from negative energy.  The yogi’s tell us that, “All illness goes into the aura first.”  When you have a strong, vibrant aura you can keep illness at bay.

Have you ever noticed when talking with someone and they get a little too close how you start to back away.  They aren’t touching you but you feel as if they are invading your “space.”  That “space” is your Auric field.  The size of the Auric field is usually around 18 inches – 3 feet around the body.  It can be larger or smaller depending on how you feel in any given moment.  When you meditate your Auric field expands.  If you’ve just been in an argument your Auric field can contract.

The aura is made up of multiple colors.  Each color represents a different characteristic of your personality.  A lot of yellow in an aura can tell us a person is more intellectual or has a lot of personal power.  Green is the color of healing energy.  It can mean you are being healed or that you are one who uses healing energy to help others.  The colors are constantly changing with the thoughts that you think and the mood you are in.

When the aura is strong you feel healthy and energetic.  When your aura is weak or porous you can feel tired and even depressed.  One of the ways to strengthen your Auric field is to take a walk in nature; smell some flowers or go hug a tree.  Nature is a natural Auric field cleanser and strengthener.

Just like a wound on the body the aura can be harmed as well.  If we are constantly subjected to negative comments from self or others or you happen to engage in addictive behaviors the aura can become weak and can no longer do its job.  There are many ways to heal and strengthen the Auric field.  Yoga & meditation, walking in nature, taking a shower while visualizing colors of the rainbow streaming down and around your body are just a few ways.  I encourage you to do your own research to find a way that works for you.  There are many resources out on the web these days that can assist you on your journey.

I will be teaching a class on August 7th about the Auric Field.  Contact me if you are interested in attending.  You can find out more here.

 

 

My Naked Heart

Light-in-Heart

My naked heart . . . grieves,
for lost lovers

My naked heart . . . sings,
for the joys of birth

My naked heart . . . longs,
for the sweetness of forgiveness

My naked heart . . . breathes,
in the fragrance of life

My naked heart . . . opens,
to the softness of love

My naked heart . . . weeps,
for the lost and the broken

My naked heart . . . lives,
each day with abandon

My naked heart . . . is,
without end . . .

Swallowing Rocks – A Body Love Tale

The Well_Fotor_Fotor
As I lay on the massage table I started to drift.  Images began to float in my mind.  I knew I was tapping into something profound so I simply followed where the images led.  I saw myself walking towards a pond.  I was dressed in clothing from the 1700’s.  There were people gathered round.  This was the time of the witch hunts and they had come to witness my death.   I had been made to swallow rock after rock until I could barely move.

I was forced to walk into the pond where I quickly sank to the bottom and drowned.  From my observers position I could tell that when I died my spirit did not leave my body.  I was stuck there surrounded by water weighted down for eternity.

I knew that I could aid this me that was trapped in that pond so I went in to help her.  I told her to look at her body as it decayed and all that was left were bones.  When she looked down at herself she could see that there was no more flesh to hold the rocks in place and she was able to be free.  She went off to where ever it is that spirits go when they die.

When I got off the massage table I felt lighter.  I was curious about what I had seen so when I got home I started researching the Burning Times to see if witches were killed by being forced to swallow rocks and then drowned.  I couldn’t find any evidence of that particular method of elimination so am not sure if was a past life of mine or not.

I decided to look at the images as if I were interpreting a dream. I started with the metaphor of swallowing rocks.  All of my life I have had extreme self-loathing around my belly.  It is not an ugly belly.  In fact it is rather a charming belly.  Yet, I have always been ashamed of its shape and size.  It has never made any logical sense to me as to why I would feel that way.  I never really got teased about my body when I was younger.  At least, not any more than anyone else has.  And, I’ve always been blessed by the men in my life adoring my body.  So where does that self loathing come from?  I do not know . . . Yet, this metaphor of swallowing rocks resonated with the answer.

I have always felt heavy even at my lightest weight.  I am actually 20 pounds heavier than I was 2 years ago and I am more comfortable in my body now then I was then.  But the breaking down of my self into body parts has always been ever present.  You may be familiar with looking in the mirror and only seeing your ass, or your thighs, or like me, your belly.  I could never see the whole me.

The rocks in this metaphor represent something (beliefs?) that hold me down.  The rocks keep me from being fully in my power.  A woman’s belly is her seat of power.  We create life within our bellies.  When we disown our bellies we deny our Creator Self.  Water in dream symbology is often interpreted as emotions.  Here I am weighted down and drowning in emotions, not able to free my spirit, not able to create, or be free to express my witchy self.  My unconscious was believing all of this and it was seeping through into my conscious state.  It would rear its ugly head at the best of times in my life.  When ever I am feeling great I would get distracted with these body issues.  There would be this buzzing that I would hear that would tell me my belly was fat or unattractive.

This memory shifted the feeling of heaviness that I have carried for my entire life.  I feel lighter now.  I still wish my belly were flatter but it doesn’t seem so distorted as it once did.  When I look in the mirror I see my whole self rather than parts.  I see. . .  Me.

I sense this memory was able to come to the surface because of all the past life regression work I have been doing with myself and others.  The massage brought me into a trance state where my unconscious could reveal itself.  If you would like to do some past life exploration with my help you can find out how here.

Trust And The Inner Child

Sad-Child“Do you trust yourself,” my friend asked?  “No” I replied.

This conversation was several weeks ago and I don’t even remember what the context of the conversation was. I do know the question had a profound impact on me.

After that conversation I had to ask myself why?  Why didn’t I trust myself?  The answer lay with the child within.  She didn’t trust the adult to take care of her.  Why would she.  I had abandoned her.  I had ignored her voice.  It wasn’t until recently that I had even acknowledged her.

The evidence of my life shows me that I have always been provided for yet the fear of not being so persisted.  Fast forward weeks later and I find that the fear I have been living with my whole life has lessened.  I still feel fear but I can go within now and know that everything will be all right.

How did She come to trust me?  I had to consistently be there for her.  Whenever fear would show up I would go within and imagine myself holding her.  I had to show her time and time again that I would be there for her no matter what.  Now, when something happens in my world I can feel that everything is o.k.  It’s a different experience than I’ve had before.  I feel safe.  I feel loved.  I feel supported.  She feels heard.  I am no longer in conflict with my inner child needs and my outer adult expression.  We feel. . . One.

If you are interested in learning more about the inner child and how to become one with her check out my Inner Child workshop coming up in July.

 

 

Never Again Will I Let You Go

Clinging-girlfriendThat’s the vow I made in a past life to the man I was in relationship for the past year and a half in this life.

I made that vow a very long time ago.  Long before I met him this time around.  I recently went through training to be certified in hypnosis.  Because I was the only student in this training we could focus on the topics that most interested me.  Past Life Regression was at the top of the list.

The beautiful Madonna Kettler, my hypnosis trainer, brought me through a past life regression so I could understand the experience more fully.  We went into the regression with the intention that I would gain more understanding as to why I was struggling to let this man go.  Past Life Regression can help one gain insight into current unconscious patterns that can show up to sabotage our lives.

During this regression I saw that this man and I were farmers in Ireland during the Iron Age.  We were twin brothers and were very close.  Being twins in another life explained to me why I felt so connected to him.  In our life in Ireland he died of an infection and two days later I hung myself because I could not bear to live without him.  That was when I swore that we would be together again and that I would never again let him go.

In this life we broke up at the beginning of this year.  We decided to stay friends but he slowly stopped taking my calls and I never heard from him again.  It felt very much like a death.  My grief was like nothing I had ever experienced before.  I would do really well for a little while and then the grief would start all over again.

After this regression I had a sense of peace and understanding of why I felt so strongly about this man.  I could finally let go. . . or so I thought.  The next morning my grief was more intense than ever!  I reached out to him yet again asking him if we could still be friends and he, again, did not respond. I kept hoping that his non-response was a maybe.  What ever his reasons he wasn’t able to give me the closure I wanted and felt I needed to move on.  I had to do this on my own.

That vow I made to not let him go has been my prison.  It has kept me grieving and still longing for connection with this man.  I went out into the woods and talked to some of my favorite trees and asked for help letting go.  I knew i needed to break the vow I made so long ago.  It was keeping us both trapped in a prison of attachment.  I could not fully move forward in my life unless I did this.  So, I set my intention, and asked for help in letting go from my Nature Spirit Helpers.

I didn’t magically let go with a walk in the woods.  Yet, that intention did bring me to getting another regression.  This final regression helped me to understand even more fully the connection with this man and gave me the tools to release him.  I feel free this time.

Not everyone believes in past lives.  It doesn’t really matter because healing can still occur regardless of that belief.  My unconscious was holding onto a pattern that was keeping me stuck.  Even if I made all of this up, my imagination is helping me to see through metaphor how to heal.  That is the beauty of past life regression.  It makes the unconscious conscious and once that occurs we no longer need to be trapped by our unconscious behaviors.

Having this experience helped me make sense as to why I was grieving as long as I did.  It also showed me why I had been unable to move on.  I am now a certified hypnotist and am looking forward to helping many others find the answers they seek.  Whether that be through past life remembrance, metaphor or symbology, this technology is a great way to tap into our unconscious for health, healing, and wholeness.  You can find out more here.