One day, many years ago, a young man called me up to schedule a healing session. I was pretty new to the business and didn’t have any criteria for who I would and wouldn’t take as a client.
I let the man up into the room I used for sessions and I began to set sacred space. What happens during these initial few moments is I open myself up energetically and psychically to the person I am assisting. This is a very vulnerable time as all my defenses are down so I can “hear” the messages that are coming through from Spirit. This is usually done with eyes closed but this time I peeked to check in to see how my client was doing. I noticed his eyes were closed and he had his hand in his lap and he was gently thrusting his pelvis into his hand. I doubted what I was seeing so I asked him if he was all right and he said yes. I continued on with my invocation and started to bring him through a guided visualization. I peeked at him again and noticed that now he had a bulge in his pants and he was obviously rubbing himself. I told him he had to leave and to pay me for my time. Of course, he said he left his wallet in his car and I never saw the likes of him again.
For days after I felt as if I had been raped both energetically and financially. I was so angry at my Spirit Guide for not warning me. I couldn’t understand how someone could take advantage in that way. I rarely take men as clients as a result of this experience.
I resisted telling this story. I didn’t want to be just another of the many. And, would it really matter in the end? Then I realized there are many of us who serve as healers and empaths of the world and what we feel energically can scar us just as much as if we were physically assaulted. So, with great sadness today I say #metoo. This sadness isn’t for me. This sadness is for all the women who have to be on guard at work or simply walking down the street. We can not be our authentic selves and live behind the walls we have to erect to survive our daily experience. When will we be able to say #NotMe?
During my walk around the neighborhood today I saw this squirrel eating a nut while sitting atop a Buddha statue in the neighbor’s yard. Squirrel invites us to “squirrel away” or prepare our resources for the coming winter. In this case, I believe squirrel is saying the resources to gather are spiritual in nature.
I also sense squirrel is saying to look at what I am eating. Does my current diet support my body for the upcoming change to cooler temperatures?
I also feel squirrel sitting atop the Buddha’s head is asking me where are my thoughts these days? Are they Buddha like? Not so much these past few days.
Or, maybe, it’s just a squirrel atop a statue eating a nut. 😉
I’ve been looking at my shadow lately. Becoming aware of where and how she reveals herself. . . and when. Usually, she makes her self known when I’m in fear. When I slip out of the present moment and into the future or the past.
She shows herself in my sharpness of tone or an unguarded look. She comforts herself with chocolate and potato chips when she’s bored and lonely.
She is not separate from my Self, the Self I see as conscious and aware. Yet, she can surprise me with her responses at a moments notice.
As long as I see her as part of myself I can learn from her. When I deny her or try to hide her darkness can over take me and I can forget about my light. The key for me is recognizing when I’m in fear and then breathing deeply. That way I can take the time to hear her voice instead of reacting negatively. I believe this will take practice and that in time I can integrate my shadow and instead of dancing separately we can come together as one.
Find out more about Della and her healing services here.
This morning I was contemplating my life purpose. Wondering what it is all for and why am I here. When I posed the question to Guidance this morning they said this. Be the best human you can be.
Yes, but what does that mean, asked I? We can tell you what it doesn’t mean. You have been programmed to believe that your life purpose has to be some grand expression of self. It doesn’t. There was one Mother Theresa, one Louise Hay, one Buddha, one Jesus and only one You. All of these notable people have one thing in common. They were the best humans they could possibly be. That intention is going to express itself differently for each and every one of you. Sometimes it will show itself and the human will become well-known, like Wayne Dyer. Other times that expression will be quieter and only a few will ever see. When you think in this way your life purpose becomes clear. We understand your longing for more meaning in your life. That is the soul calling your best self to the surface. Once you can get past the idea that it has to look a certain way you will find peace.
During my writing practice this morning I reflected on how the energies that we are experiencing has felt much like a download. My Guidance jumped in to give me/us more information on what that means. Here is the conversation.
Della: What is being downloaded?
Guidance: More light into your DNA. That light is encoded with new programs to help you navigate consciousness more consciously. We know that sounds like a paradox but up until now, humanity has had access to only a small portion of their light. It may feel as if you are breaking your way out of a shell or even more precise a cocoon. The struggle has been real. The density you have been moving through has been very thick, much like trying to swim in honey. And, for some of you, it has even felt like quicksand.
Della: That is how I feel today. The energy feels so thick I can barely move.
Guidance: The energy isn’t thick, quite the opposite is true. You are breaking through your old programming (cocoon). But you are breaking through it valiantly. This can feel like heavy work. Once the butterfly emerges from the cocoon it is at first fragile and weak. It has to beat its wings to build strength into its body. The journey from the cocoon builds strength as well. That is what you are doing right now, building strength and preparing to fly.
Della: What do we do once we emerge from the cocoon.
Guidance:Humanity gets caught up in its wanting to “do” something. Rest a while before you take flight. You will be given direction. Don’t try to force your wings to be strong before they are ready. This is a time of integrating the new energy. You may feel tired. That is your body telling you to take some down time, rest, be still. Allow the process to unfold. Again, there is nothing for you to “do”.
I am guided here to tell you about some of the addictions/habits (old programming) that have been falling away from me this week.
Over Eating: I realized this week that I tend to eat out of boredom. Not only that but I would eat in front of my computer while watching Netflix. I made a decision to be present when I eat instead of eating distractedly in front of my computer screen. I noticed an immediate change in the quantity of food that my body needs and I feel leaner as a result.
Phone Use: What a distraction our phones are! I was always looking at Facebook, Instagram, my NPR app, etc. Even when I was bored to death of it I would still do it! The other day I deleted all those apps off my phone and I could immediately feel something shift. It was like a door closed on all the noise I was allowing into my energetic space. I have only been going on social media occasionally since and staying away from the news as much as possible.
These are addictions/habits that I have been working on shifting for years. What feels different this time is that instead of “planning” to let them go they just naturally fell away with very little “doing” on my part.
That is the beauty of the energies we are in right now. It is assisting us in letting go of what has been holding us back from being our authentic self.
Having trouble with the integration process? Click on my website to see how I can help you.
Bat came to me again last night reminding me to prepare for some significant changes. I have no idea what those changes are or when they are going to occur. I awoke this morning feeling as if I am neither moving forward nor going in any discernible direction at all but still knowing that change was upon me. I actually said to myself that I feel as if my life is void of course right now.
When the moon is void of course in astrology it means that it makes no more major aspects to other planets before it leaves a sign. The moon usually travels through a sign every 2.5 days. When the moon is void it feels as if nothing is moving in our lives. There are no other energies around the moon to influence it. Things are quiet. As I write this the Moon is void of course. I had no idea until I looked it up. If you are like me and feel things on an energetic level it can almost feel depressing or even hopeless when this void occurs.
It is easy to spiral down into our shadow and think that something inside us is very wrong. It’s important to be still and breathe during these times. That is what Guidance recommended to me today during my yoga practice. And, of course, to write this. . .
“Bees have to move very fast to stay still.” ~David Foster Wallace~
Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity” ~Lao Tzu~
“Space and silence are two aspects of the same thing. The same no-thing. They are externalization of inner space and inner silence, which is stillness: the infinitely creative womb of all existence.” ~Ekhart Tolle~
“Being still does not mean don’t move. It means move in peace.” ~E’yen Gardner~
I was awakened in the middle of the night by a chittering/scraping sound. The noise was much like a squirrel or a mouse running through the walls. In my mind, I decided that is what it was and fell back to sleep. Almost immediately I heard the sound again and opened my eyes to see a bat flying around my head. Of course, I screamed and scrambled out of the covers and down the stairs and out the door quicker than I can possibly move on any normal given day. I decided that I urgently had to pee and went down to the second floor to use the bathroom.
When I climbed back up the stairs with my shoulders hunched and my head bowed I was wondering how to deal with this all by myself. No one else was at home to share in the horror that was a bat flying around the room with me. In my haste to escape the same place that the bat was inhabiting I had brilliantly left the door open. When I got back to my room I checked every nook and cranny to see where the bat was. It was not in my room! I looked out the window of the door to my room and saw it flying around in the main part of the attic.
Since it escaped my room, I made the logical decision of closing my door and hoping to heaven it would find its own way out.
Back up in my loft where my bed is I decided to try to go back to sleep. Good luck with that when your eyes are wide open like a cartoon character and all you can do is think about how the bat got into your space in the first place and were there more coming any second and what is that sound anyway?
Since I still had all sorts of adrenaline running through my body I decided to look into the spiritual meaning of Bat. What message had it brought me to reflect on? I had recently made a public statement on social media that am willing to be willing to let go of any and all fear that is hindering me from being the highest version of myself that I can possibly be. I knew that it was quite possible that by making this public declaration that fear would come up to challenge my commitment to that statement. I had no idea it would be a deep primal fear that would come to look me in the eye and say are you really sure you want to let go of me?
During this time of wide-eyed contemplation the phrase “bats in the belfry” kept coming to me. Was the bat telling me that I am losing my marbles? Since it was only one bat does that mean I am losing only one marble? I think the meaning is more likely that I am too much in my head and not enough in the present moment.
The shamanic meaning of Bat correlates to change and initiation. Bat’s use echolocation to navigate their surroundings. Will my powers of perception become heightened in the coming months? Will I be able to hear Guidance in a new way? As I write this in the light of the new day I am excited by bats gift to me. What new things are headed towards me? I feel Bat is telling me that I will have the tools to navigate what ever comes my way.
To find out more about Della and her spiritual coaching click here.
Are you feeling “off” now that the eclipse is over? I know I am. Leading up to the eclipse I was experiencing a great deal of fatigue and anxiety. Now that the eclipse is over I feel depressed and even more fatigue. The energy of the eclipse brought a lot of my issues to the surface. I had been happily ignoring them where they were buried.
Now that those issues are uncovered I have no choice but to face them. Yes, of course, there is always a choice, but do I really want to let those buried emotions come out of their hidey holes in inappropriate ways any longer? Nope.
I live in an old historic school-house and the building is quite large. I live here with many other people. The weird thing is that for some reason everyone but me left for an extended period of time and I am here all by myself. I live on the very top floor in the attic. My first night alone I was completely creeped out to be here by myself. I hardly slept at all and I was too afraid to go down stairs to pee in the middle of the night so I used a Tupperware container to relieve myself in.
The next morning I was able to get in touch with just how ridiculous my fear of being alone in the school was. I decided to see those night time fears as a metaphor for all the scary monsters in my unconscious’ closet. I haven’t peed in Tupperware since! The point is, my issues (monsters in my closet) are all fears, fear of being abandoned, fear of rejection, fear of not having enough money, fear of being alone, and the list goes on and on. Fear is what wants to be healed right now and I am going with it.
There is a huge physical response when you let go of something that no longer serves you. It is like a virus that your body is trying to purge. The symptoms can be very similar. In my case, the virus (fear) is still wiggling around in my body trying to find purchase. The eclipse was the microscope that found the virus and my intention to heal is the antigen that will bring me back to myself.
Fear isn’t the enemy though. It was created to keep us safe. Back in the day, this was necessary for survival. Fear told us when to run and hide from the giant saber tooth tiger that wanted to eat us. As humanity evolved fear took on a new role. It adapted to its new environment. No longer is it needed to warn us of saber tooth tigers. Now days fear tells us to be afraid of everything and everyone. It even tells us to fear love. Yet love is the only thing that can face fear and shine a light on the truth.
I am going to say this right here and you may wince when you read this. I still need my fear. I am not always paying attention and I want a warning if I am in harms way. I have a strong survival instinct within me and fear can help me stay alive. Where it gets tricky is knowing when you are in danger or just being afraid because you are afraid. This is where discernment comes in.
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary discernment is the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure. The very nature of fear is obscure which means it’s hidden in darkness. Think about the moon hiding the sun during an eclipse. If the moon is our fears and the sun is our light then we can see how the Universe is giving us a metaphor that is impossible to miss.
How do we get to discernment? Here are some of the tools I use:
I write every day. I have a 500 word a day practice. You can read about how I go about this here
yoga & meditation
Pranayam – you can’t hold fear in your body and breathe deeply at the same time (wise words from my first yoga teacher)
anything that gets me out of my head and into my heart.
This message isn’t about eliminating fear. It is about using fear to our advantage. I live in a world where fear thrives. That is the nature of living on this planet where duality is the theme. I don’t believe we are to ignore fear, or expunge it, nor deny it. The key to enlightenment isn’t the absence of fear but freedom from it. It is up to us to choose it.
Della is an intuitive reader, teacher, and healer. If you would like to find out more about how she can assist you with the eclipse blues click here.