I wrote this post several years ago but am finding that I am having similar experiences these days. Instead of finding undiscovered trails in the woods I am navigating uncharted territory in my life. My business is taking new directions and I’m dating again after many months of mourning my last relationship. I am scared but practicing fearlessness amidst all this change. I hope you like the post.
I was guided to go to Carpenter Nature Center for my walk today. Once I got there I found myself on a path I had never taken before. I hesitated at first because it was unfamiliar and I didn’t know where or how far it would take me into the woods. Being a woman alone in the woods can be a very frightening thing. Because of the blustery Fall day it was quite spooky yet breathtakingly beautiful at the same time. My mind started to take me to all sorts of frightening scenarios. I soon realized my fear had more to do with my inner demons than anything I would find in these woods on this day. This path I was on represented the part of Self that I was afraid to face. This path was my Powerful Self, my Brilliant Self, my Talented Self, my Unlimited Self.
All these years of walking the paths of Carpenter Nature Center I had never even seen the one I walked today. I knew this path was not the safe, familiar version of what I was used to. I wanted to turn around several times and go back to what was known but I didn’t. I kept forging ahead. I knew that continuing on the path of the unknown would free me from my fear of being Who I Really Am.
When I finally came to an area that I recognized I knew I had faced a part of my self that I have hidden from all my life. I walked to the river and I built these cairns to represent my hopes and dreams for the future.
I walked out of those woods a new woman. I faced my fears. I faced my Self. I. Am.
Della uses hypnotherapy, intuition and hands on healing to help people find their lost parts of self. You can find out more about her here.
I awoke one morning a week and a half ago and I felt tired. I was tired of mourning the loss of my last relationship, tired of feeling bad about myself and tired of writing self-indulgent poetry.
So I took the bull by the horns, so to speak, and joined an online dating site. Mostly, I did this because I wanted to feel desirable again. My self-esteem was in the crapper and it needed a boost.
Online dating is not something I had ever done before. I had no idea how to go about it. Luckily I had a coach in my friend Linda who knew all the ins and outs of how to proceed. I had watched and listened to her adventures in the past year and was in awe of her courage. She was the reason I was able to take the steps to do this at all.
I put my profile up and within the first 24 hours I had 70 views of my profile and about 20 contacts. It was a bit overwhelming. It was pretty easy to tell right away who was serious and who was a serial dater. Some of the interest was obviously scammers and some obviously hadn’t read anything in my profile or they wouldn’t have contacted me at all. I even had one dude email me with anger because I was looking for someone who was into health and wellness!
By morning three I was seriously thinking of closing my profile down as this really wasn’t for me. I took one last look at who had contacted me and lo and behold a guy who wrote in complete sentences (and paragraphs!) reached out to me. He obviously had read my profile all the way through and was thoughtful in his words to me. I was intrigued . . .
So, tonight, after many conversations we will be meeting for the first time. I am both terrified and excited. My anxiety has hit the roof and I have grief coursing through my veins. Mostly, though, I am proud of me for taking this forward step.
No matter how tonight turns out I know I am brave and that is all that really matters.
I was journaling this morning and asking my Spirit Guide Mother why I got sucked back into a place of longing and despair. I was doing so well and then before I knew it I was lost. Here is a poem I wrote about that journey.
Mother responded in this way:
You are never alone yet you see it not. You are so easily distracted by the illusions of this world. It is all fantasy. Every bit of it.
What is real then, I ask?
When you dwell in your heart you can see through the veil of illusion covering your eyes.
Can we transcend illusion during our lifetime?
By listening with your heart.
By seeing with your heart.
By breathing from your heart.
By acting from your heart.
Illusion will always be a veil covering your world. It is up to you to choose to move the veil aside and live from a place of inspired vision.
Mother is right. I haven’t been living from my heart lately. I’ve been so distracted by what I don’t have in my life right now that I had forgotten about the things that I do have. I had forgotten all the things that bring me joy. Choosing joy over pain seems like such a simple thing . . .
I’m always looking for a quick and healthy breakfast. One that isn’t to heavy before my morning yoga practice yet still is filling enough to fuel me before I get the chance to eat something more substantial. This recipe fit the bill! I “accidentally” created this recipe one day when my coconut milk wasn’t thick enough.
1 can extra creamy coconut milk (I used Trader Joe’s)
3 tablespoons of sugar-free strawberry spread
2 tablespoons of chia seeds
Throw the ingredients into a blender and mix until smooth. Pour mixture into a glass container and chill for at least 30 minutes. When ready to serve toss in some sliced strawberries and serve.
Do not be alarmed by the darkness in this poem. I had recently had a health scare which turned out to be minor. I had spent several weeks on Dr. Google (thank you Katelyn for this little moniker!) trying to diagnose what was wrong with me. I honestly was too afraid to get it checked out. It felt different this time. I was sure it was something fatal. I tell you I am not afraid of death but I am afraid of dying. I’m not sure if this fatalistic thinking is because so many of my friends are sick now and struggling with their own health problems. And, thanks to Facebook we are able to connect with those friends in a way we haven’t been able to in the past. What ever the reason this fear that took me by the throat literally sucked all my creative juice away. This poem is the resurrection of that creativity which was pushed aside by fear.
I am always looking for ways to make an old stand by new. I use to live on tuna with mayo when I was younger. I don’t believe anything is bad for us in moderation but I have no sense of what that means when it comes to mayonnaise. So, I came up with this dandy tuna salad recipe. The lemon peel in this recipe is what makes it pop! This makes one or two servings depending on how hungry you are.
1 can Tuna in water
1 tbsp. lemon peel
2 tbsp. marinated artichokes, chopped
2 tbsp. sun-dried tomatoes in oil, chopped
1 tbsp. capers
2 tbsp. grated carrots
2 tbsp. chopped celery
As I’ve mentioned in an earlier post I’ve recently connected with a new guide named Mother who helms from the Pleiades. She recently shared with me another message and I thought I’d share with you.
All is well even if it doesn’t appear so. Be not deceived by the chaos on Earth. It has always been this way. Your species are becoming more sensitive to the harshness of this chaos as you evolve. This makes you more “aware” of the energies that surround you than ever before. It is important to connect to Earth energy as it has a grounding effect on you. It will keep you from becoming overwhelmed by these fast-moving energy shifts.
It is easy to become anxious with all the fear that you are exposed to daily. Your media contributes to this anxiety. We are not saying to be uninformed yet are asking you to be discerning with how much you subject yourself too. The fear that is surrounding you can only be diminished through your continued activation of light. How you do this is through heart centered acceptance of yourself and others.
Judgement is literally destroying your species. The more you focus on self-love and acceptance the more you can hold space for Peace on Earth. Remember that Peace is stronger than fear. You will prevail. Do not give up on yourselves. The darkness you are experiencing is all part of the journey towards enlightenment.
The true meaning of enlightenment is this: That which has been hidden is emerging into the light. Do not be afraid of the dark. It is fear that threatens you and not darkness. Darkness is merely an absence of light. Love is light made manifest.
To find out more about Della and her services connect with her here. She is currently offering 1/2 hour hands on healing sessions for donation through the end of the year.