When I was a child I believed I was fat. This belief lasted long into my adulthood. Sorting through some old photos the other day I came across images of me in my younger years. No where in those photos was a fat person. The pictures actually show the opposite. I look lean and fit and maybe just a bit cheeky.
Where did this idea that I was fat come from? I’d like to blame it on my father who called me lead bottom. Apparently I fell down on my butt a lot. Or, I can point to my three older brothers who teased me. I honestly don’t feel that this belief about my body came from these sources though. I believe it comes from the unrealistic images we, as women, are inundated with in movies and magazines. The marketers of the world have stated that a woman should look a certain way and we are bad or wrong if we don’t. These marketing messages seep into every fiber of a woman’s conscious, unconscious and subconscious. We are literally programmed to believe that we are fat no matter what size we are.
Today I am closing in on 50 and I can tell you that it has been a long journey to body love. My body is more round than it was as a youth and that is to be expected. I have birthed a baby, had a car accident, gone through several surgeries, grieved death and loved unabashedly. All of this has marked me. But what has marked me the most is my years of perceiving myself as unlovable, as fat, as anything less than beautiful. Being fat was all in my head. Thus, the fat head title to this post.
Today I can honestly say I love my body. On most days I feel beautiful. I still have the occasional “fat head” day but those days come fewer and farther between. It has become my mission to remind women that they are beautiful exactly as they are.
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