I met him in a coffee shop last summer. I wasn’t looking for romance. I was looking for free internet. I asked to sit down beside him because the spot was in the sun. The fact that he was male didn’t even register. He said yes I could sit and didn’t he see me at the library yesterday? Yes, that’s right. I did see you at the library. I didn’t tell him that I thought he was a bit stalkerish when I saw him there because of the way he kept staring at me. I had ignored him at the library.
We chatted for an hour in the coffee shop. As I got up to leave I handed him my business card. I asked him to go to my website and if what I did for a living didn’t scare him off he should give me a call. He called me later that day. We went for a walk. He wanted to hold my hand. I was skittish as I had just gotten out of a very heavy relationship a few months before. I was pretty much done with men at this point in my life. He said he wanted to feel my energy. As a psychic this made sense to me so I agreed to hold hands. He has never said anything remotely like this since. He doesn’t talk that way. He wasn’t playing a game when he said those words it was more akin to Kismet.
We began seeing each other almost every day. We would go for walks and I would let him hold my hand but I was holding myself back. After my last relationship I told myself that I was content to focus on my life and my work. My child was grown and I have never been married and didn’t have a burning desire to ever be. The man I had been in an on again off again relationship for 15 years prior ended once and for all earlier that spring. I was truly done. I was exhausted by how hard relationships were and fairly disillusioned as well.
And then he kissed me. It wasn’t just a nice kiss. It was an Oh. My. God. kinda kiss! The kind of kiss that awakens all your senses and pushes any doubts about romance right out the door kinda kiss. We’ve been together 9 1/2 months now and I’ve never been in a more relaxed relationship. It’s easy. Yes, we’ve had some issues but we keep talking through them. We’ve never raised our voices nor said an unkind word to one another. I think its because we accept one another exactly as we are. There are no judgements or criticisms on either side. This acceptance makes all the difference.
I am an emotional being by nature. I am joyous one moment and weepy the next. I am often going through emotional, spiritual, mental or physical upheaval. Often all in the same day. I liken our relationship to a boat being battered by the storms of life on a vast sea. I am the boat. He is my anchor. Never steering me nor holding me back yet keeping me from getting too far adrift.
I wasn’t looking for a relationship but one found me. I do not know for sure what the future holds. We do talk about future possibilities but really we just take each moment as it comes. I have my insecurities from time to time but I recognize those as my own fears. I don’t let them take over or project them onto him. I can only say that particular skill comes with age. This is also where my yoga practice comes in. It reminds me to breathe. When I breathe I can be present. Love dwells in the present moment. . .