Originally posted back in March to my now defunct Yogagirl’s blog site.
Stillness is hard.
Stillness is surrender.
Stillness means I have to trust. Something.
I am writing this in hopes to get insights into the art of stillness. I’m not very good at stillness. I am a mover by nature. I move my body. I move my mind. Movement keeps me safe. Or so I have always thought.
This morning, as I was writing in my journal, I was given a football metaphor by my IGS (Internal Guidance System). The metaphor is this: I am the quarterback. I am the quarterback who never passes the ball. I look down field and I see receivers but I don’t trust them to catch the ball. I am constantly in a state of feeling like I’m about to be sacked (anxiety). For the life of me I can not release the ball.
I move on to other thoughts in my journal and then out of the blue it hits me. I can pass the ball to my spirit. That part of me knows more than I do. In my mind I pass the ball to my spirit. O.K. I’ve let go of the ball. I can move on with my day.
I get on my yoga mat and there is an unusual amount of stiffness in the backs of my legs. Intuitively I know this is fear I am holding in my first chakra. On an emotional level the first chakra represents safety and security. I don’t feel safe so I hold a lot of tension in the backs of my legs.
I find my quiet place and my IGS tells me to be still today. More anxiety comes up. I can’t be still. I can’t do NOTHING! If I do nothing then nothing will happen. “I CAN”T DO NOTHING!” the voice in my head cries louder. I begin to panic. I start to breath deeply as the fear grows stronger. Fear tells me it is keeping me safe by keeping me busy. I know this for a lie but it is how I have survived these past 50 years. I am afraid to let go. If I let go I die. Surrender = death.
I know in my heart that I will be safe if I surrender. Yet the old patterns cling tightly to my body. There has been a lot of inflammation in my body for the past several days. My IGS told me it was fear. The wise part of myself hears the truth in this. Fear tells me it is something in my diet. “It must be the sugar you ate in the chocolate covered almonds last night.” Fear always tries to misdirect me from my truth. Fear is the master of misdirection.
I come back to center through my breath. Stillness is in the breath. I ask myself what do I have to lose if I am still? I have the courage to find out. I will let you know . . .
Find out more about Della and her healing services here.
Learn more about the Chakra system in Anatomy Of The Spirit by Caroline Myss