It happened again. I plunged myself deep into the cycle of not feeling good in my own skin. I had not stepped on a scale since some time in February and I was feeling really fit and strong and beautiful. A couple of weeks ago as I was visiting my mother in the nursing home she resides in I stepped on a scale that is outside of her room. The number on the scale said I weighed more than I have since I was pregnant with my son 22 years ago.
I went from feeling fabulous in my body to feeling fat and bloated and unattractive. It had been several weeks and I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of the negative self talk. I know this is not who I am nor who I want to be but I couldn’t seem to shift this negativity. While talking to my friend Katelyn about this issue I expressed confusion about why I could feel so good about myself and then, just like that, not. She helped me to see that stepping on the scale was my trigger.
We are socialized to believe that we are our weight. A certain number on the scale determines whether we are 5 or 10 or 50 pounds away from being acceptable, attractive and worthy.
I made a decision: I would not step on a scale again for the next 40 days. Why 40 days? It takes that long to break out of a cycle and create a new one. I would also change my mind about how I felt about myself. If I could feel good about myself before I stepped on the scale then I could feel good about myself by not stepping on the scale. I just needed to decide too.
It’s been a couple of days into my 40 day commitment and I am finding a shift has already occurred. If I see myself looking at my self negatively when I pass a mirror I tell myself: Enough! I’ve noticed this enough attitude spilling into other areas of my life as well. I’ve been aware of how body shaming leads to lack of finances shaming, or not doing enough in a day shaming, etc.
This enough statement stops the negative self talk in its tracks and reminds me that I am enough. We’ll see how the rest of the 40 days goes. Ultimately, my goal is to not step on a scale again. Why would I do that to myself?
Della is a healer, a yogi, an experimental cook and an artist. Please visit her website here.