Tomorrow I begin my 21 day well-being practice. I have prepared for this experience for the past two weeks. In times before I have jumped right in without a conscious plan. I am doing things differently this time around.
I would have called this a cleanse or a detox in the past. This time, I will be nurturing and gentle with myself. I picked 21 days because it feels doable. I’ve completed 40 day practices and that can become overwhelming and just too much.
My intention is to let go of habits that are keeping me distracted from being more creative. For instance, I plan on connecting on social media once per day. I would prefer to stay off completely but need to stay for the purposes of maintaining my business. I plan on keeping to my personal page and not to wander like I usually do and end up getting sucked down the rabbit hole. I will be continuing to write my blog as spirit moves me and posting occasionally on Instagram as that doesn’t seem to have the same addictive qualities as Facebook does for me.
I plan on getting up every morning and practicing yoga, meditation and then writing in my journal. I’ve never been a consistent journal writer and I’ve always wanted to. I thought this would be a great way to begin the habit.
My diet will consist of whole foods that I can make myself. I will be eliminating dairy and sugar for the 21 days. I’m already mostly grain free, with the exception of wild rice and quinoa, so that is a no-brainer. I plan on reading only that which is uplifting and creating art as passion strikes. Going for walks in nature is also on the agenda. Staying off Amazon prime television is also on the list. It is so easy for me to find a show I like and then binge watch it for 3 or 4 days until the season is over.
My biggest fear is boredom. The very thought of being bored stirs anxiety in my belly. What am I afraid will show up in that space of not doing? I hope to discover that over the next 21 days. I plan on updating this blog post on a regular basis so feel free join my on my adventure.
Sat Nam, Namaste & Blessed Be!
I’m not sure what I expected but I didn’t expect physical pain the first day out. I’ve had some issues with my muscles in my shoulder that has bothered me since January of this year. I only notice when I put a coat on. The way my arm would swing back to reach for the sleeve seemed to aggravate it. In the past two weeks it has been increasingly more painful. Yesterday seemed to hit a crescendo. I’m not sure if I noticed the pain more because I’m not as distracted as I normally am or if there is another reason. Any way, I ended up taking ibuprofen, which I rarely ever do and it helped.
During my morning yoga practice I was intimately aware of how much grief I hold in my body. It feels old, as far back as childhood maybe. I breathed into it and invited what ever wanted to be released to do so in a gentle way.
I participated in a spiritual journaling workshop today. It changed my life. It gave me so many ideas and inspirations on how to improve my writing through journaling. The timing couldn’t have been better. I will admit that some of the processes had me delving deep into the recesses of my dark spaces. It was quite exhausting going there yet well worth the journey.
I had a rough time the past couple of days. The journaling has opened a Pandora’s box of stuff that I’ve avoided. This is what I wanted right? Yeah, but it is still hard an uncomfortable and I want to run. That is my M.O. While journaling I got an image in my head of being chased by wolves. After being with that for 24 hours I came to realize that the wolves were my fear. All my life I’ve run and there is a cliff up ahead. I have three options to choose from. I can either keep running, leap off the cliff and fly, or I can stop and hold my ground, call on my power and face my fear. My first plan was to leap off the cliff but then I realized that would still be running . . .
I learned a writing technique at the workshop I attended called microfiction. The parameters are to write a story beginning, middle and end in 20 words or less. Here are two teeny tiny stories I wrote about my process.
Running. “They” are close now. Cliff up ahead. Choose! Die or fly? I leap.
The Third Option
She stopped. Breathing in power she held her ground. They left, knowing they could only catch her while she fled.
I jjournal every morning when I get up. One of the tools I learned in the workshop I attended was to go out in nature and if some stick, rock, or feather calls to you pick it up and bring it home with you.
I picked up this acorn cap the other day. I “heard” that this gift represented my Soul. Here is what it had to say to me:
I am stronger than you know. I protect you until you no longer need it. When you do, I am there for you. I am your soul and I am there for you. You think the body is the container but actually the soul is the container. The body houses spirit but I (Soul) contain it all. I am vast and unlimited. You often feel small and insignificant. Tap into that vastness and your fear will dissolve. When you become small it is because you are hiding. No one can find you , even those who could use your help. You allow only the amount (clients/students) in to squeak by financially. You are smothering yourself in fear. No wonder you are exhausted. Tap into your vastness through the power of the Pavan Guru (breath).
I haven’t written in a couple of days because I’ve been depressed. My financial situation has gotten to a place where I have to consider making some changes. That means finding another source of income (j.o.b.?) I have been barely making a living at my healing business for the past 20 years and I can no longer live day-to-day like this. The stress is bringing me down. I’m not sure how I am going to resolve this yet . . . I have some ideas.
I’m angry because I’ve believed if you do what you love the money will follow. I’m tired of blaming myself for not getting the formula right or that somehow I just don’t believe in the magic enough. I’ve been in a dark place for the past couple of days. I woke up today with a sense of pulling up my bootstraps and getting to work. I’m not sure what my future will look like or how my healing business will be effected by these changes.
In the past couple of days I caught a glimmer of what many people experience every day with depression and emotional pain. It’s as if your heart is breaking, your mind is numb, your physically exhausted and everything looks bleak. I am lucky enough to have someone in my life (my boyfriend) who isn’t afraid of the dark places. He understands what I am going through and instead of trying to fix the problem simply helped me see some hard truths.
On a lighter note . . . during those dark few days I fell back into the abyss of Facebook and I ate dairy. What I discovered from both of these is that Facebook is still boring and that I when I did eat dairy I didn’t really enjoy it. I’m back on track today at least as much as I can be with some life changing decisions on my plate and I’m only half way through this journey.
In much better space today. Had two wonderful healer friends work on me both yesterday and today. I am so grateful. I have two jobs lined up and can start right away. Needed to let go of my Tuesday night yoga class in Minneapolis and may need to let go of Monday night as well. Not as angry today . . .
Feeling more hopeful. Still don’t see the bigger picture but I know there is one there. I let go of both my Monday & Tuesday yoga classes so I could have the space for my new jobs. Luckily neither job should interfere with the lifestyle that I have created over the past few years. I plan on keeping my Friday class in Eagan as it is the class that shows the most promise. Neither angry or in grief today. . . 🙂
A bit pissed off and in grief . . .
I’ve been very tired. I’ve been working at one of my new jobs full force. (The second one starts next week.) I’m not use to working in this way. It may take time to build my endurance. I still don’t fully understand why this is happening in the way that it is. I have some glimmers of understanding. . . I think I have been too stubborn to see the signs. I haven’t wanted to give up my dream of being a successful independent healing business owner.
Back in January my left arm started to bother me. I didn’t always notice it so it wasn’t something I paid a lot of attention too. It has recently (past two weeks) been bothering me to the point I can longer ignore. I feel this a metaphysical issue so I keep asking my arm what it’s trying to tell me. The left side of the body is the receptive side. According to Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life the arm represents the capacity and ability to hold the experiences of life. The pain goes up into my shoulder. Shoulders represent what we are trying to shoulder and carry. I’ve attempted to “carry” this business for the past 20 years and I have limped along. It has finally gotten so desperate that I can no longer ignore the signs.
One of the jobs I’ve taken on is an online FBA (Fulfilled By Amazon) which is retail arbitrage. I go out and shop the clearance isles of major department stores and ship the inventory to Amazon who sells it for me. My boyfriend started this business back in April and I have hemmed and hawed to do it since the beginning. I’ve seen him make it a success almost immediately. He has given me some “seed money” to invest in inventory to get me started. It will take about 3 months to produce an income I can draw from.
The second job is working about 20 hours a week (twice a month) for a friend who has an established business in Wisconsin. This will be a part-time solution that takes me out-of-town for several days out of the month. This one begins this next week.
What does this mean for my healing business? It and I won’t be going anywhere. The healing business will no longer be my main source of income. It will be more like a side business that I do when people need me. Just writing this brings me to tears. Not because the business is changing but because the stress has been so intense around this business that I am relieved to finally let the stress go.
I have lived from day to day my entire 50 years. No wonder I can no longer carry this burden. I think my Soul, my High Self and my body has wanted me to make this change for a very long time. It’s only now when I have no choice that I can see it. In the mean time when ever my arm hurts I say “I am open to receive . . . ”
Today is a new day! I feel as if the intense stress I have been under for the past weeks (years!) is shifting. I’m exhausted due to all the changes I am making so quickly. At the same time my heart is filled with gratitude to all the people who have helped me out. I put an email out to all my friends, clients and students inviting them to a deep discount on my telephone psychic readings. Many of you have purchased readings and shared my info with loved ones. I can breathe more freely now as my expenses are now mostly covered for the rest of the month. I feel as if this has primed the abundance pump for me and I can now align with flow more gracefully.
I use the words gracefully intentionally here. These past few weeks have been anything but. This has definitely put my beliefs, faith and yogic tools to the test. My constant practice throughout these past few weeks has been Kundalini Yoga and walking 3 miles a day. I’ve let a few of my other intentions for this 21 day practice slide except for these two tools. I think I would be an absolute mess without them.
Today I head out of town for my 2nd job. I’m looking forward to the adventure. I feel so good its hard to believe I was in such pain just a few short days ago. I had a client tell me the other day that I was a master at riding the roller coaster. I guess that is true. I think its time to switch rides all together. How about the tunnel of love from here on out. . . .
It’s hard to believe what has happened in the last 21 days. My intention was to go deeper yet I had no idea what I was asking of myself. It has been painful and challenging and enlightening and liberating and . . .
My life has been changed as a result. I do not know where all these changes will bring me. I am no longer frighted. I am excited!
Della is a yoga teacher, writer, healer and artist. You can find out more about her and her services here.