Mine sure has been. She has picked every single man I have dated in the past 25 years. Now these have not been bad men. They have all been beautiful. My inner child can see an awesome playmate a mile away. She is drawn to innocence, gentleness, humor and fun. Every one of these relationships was incredible in their own way. That is, until my adult showed up. That is usually the point where the relationship would dissolve and the tantrums (mine) would begin.
While talking to a friend, I was sharing my struggles with letting go of my last boyfriend. We had recently broke up and I couldn’t seem to let him go. My friend playfully pointed out that I was acting like a brat. He said this with love but what I heard was that I was acting like a child. He said you want this man and only him and it can’t be any other way. And it was absolutely true. He reminded me of what my adult wanted, a helpmate. My inner child was willing to compromise what the grownup me wanted to get back together with this man. The internal struggle would always look something like this.
“But I love him so much!”
“Yes, but he’s not for you.”
“But I know he loves me.”
“He’s not available,” says my adult self. “You want someone who will return your calls, tell you he loves you first, build a life together, step up to the plate. . .”
“But, but, but . . . ”
Through the help of this friend I was able to see how my inner child has been in charge of my romantic relationships and keeping me in pain.
Parenting Your Inner Child
Once I became aware of my pattern of behavior I imagined myself holding my inner 2-year-old in my arms. I told her that she had to let this man go. I told her I understood how much she wanted and liked this person but he was not the right man for us now. I told her I wanted her help in the future because I wasn’t always able to see like she could see. I told her, with her help, the adult me would decide how to proceed with any future romance. As I imagined holding my inner child I cried like I hadn’t cried before. I cried like a parent whose child is hurting and you’re hurting because they are. I cried cleansing tears. I cried tears of love and acceptance that things were exactly as they were meant to be.
This was my first real step in moving forward. It took awhile to get there. Acknowledging my inner child was the key.
You can find out more about Della and who she is here.