For the past 2 weeks I have been experiencing chronic back pain. I have done all the usual things that someone like me who is an alternative therapies junkie can think of to release the pain. Yoga, castor oil packs, chakra cleansing, massage, barefoot hiking and more have all been part of this healing regime. I am a firm believer that my physical symptoms have an emotional cause.
Yoga seems to be where I can get in touch with the messages my body wants to speak due to the quiet that comes over me during the practice. I know the root of my symptoms are stemming from my first and second chakras by where the pain has been radiating from.
The first chakra (base of the spine) holds our ideas about safety and security and governs the skeletal system. The second chakra (naval) holds the energy of creativity and sexuality and governs the sex organs. Every thing below the navel in my back and legs has been stiff, sore and uncomfortable as hell.
When I tuned into my body during my yoga practice I got the message that my pain was due to my son leaving for Swaziland and the Peace Corps for 27 months. I won’t be able to pick up the phone and talk to him whenever I feel like it. I won’t be able to text him to tell him I love him whenever the mood strikes. My son will not have the luxuries that we have here in the West. He doesn’t even know if he will have access to electricity until he gets there, much less a cell phone.
The grief that I thought I was dealing with so well has shown up in my body. My identity as a mother is being challenged to let go. Because I have been unconsciously resistant to my identity changing, my body has been holding itself tightly and creating pain and stiffness.
Now that I know the emotional roots of my physical pain I can begin the true healing journey. For me that begins with willingness. “I am willing to be willing to be willing.” I plan to continue to get massage and chiropractic care and what ever else I am guided to do.
I will never not be my son’s mother. But I willingly let go of that particular attachment to my identity. Being James’ mother is a part of me but not the totality of me. As I write this there are tears of release and relief. The more that I free my son from my attachments the more free he becomes to be who he is meant to be.
Della offers many healing services. You can find out more about her here.