As I lay on the massage table I started to drift. Images began to float in my mind. I knew I was tapping into something profound so I simply followed where the images led. I saw myself walking towards a pond. I was dressed in clothing from the 1700’s. There were people gathered round. This was the time of the witch hunts and they had come to witness my death. I had been made to swallow rock after rock until I could barely move.
I was forced to walk into the pond where I quickly sank to the bottom and drowned. From my observers position I could tell that when I died my spirit did not leave my body. I was stuck there surrounded by water weighted down for eternity.
I knew that I could aid this me that was trapped in that pond so I went in to help her. I told her to look at her body as it decayed and all that was left were bones. When she looked down at herself she could see that there was no more flesh to hold the rocks in place and she was able to be free. She went off to where ever it is that spirits go when they die.
When I got off the massage table I felt lighter. I was curious about what I had seen so when I got home I started researching the Burning Times to see if witches were killed by being forced to swallow rocks and then drowned. I couldn’t find any evidence of that particular method of elimination so am not sure if was a past life of mine or not.
I decided to look at the images as if I were interpreting a dream. I started with the metaphor of swallowing rocks. All of my life I have had extreme self-loathing around my belly. It is not an ugly belly. In fact it is rather a charming belly. Yet, I have always been ashamed of its shape and size. It has never made any logical sense to me as to why I would feel that way. I never really got teased about my body when I was younger. At least, not any more than anyone else has. And, I’ve always been blessed by the men in my life adoring my body. So where does that self loathing come from? I do not know . . . Yet, this metaphor of swallowing rocks resonated with the answer.
I have always felt heavy even at my lightest weight. I am actually 20 pounds heavier than I was 2 years ago and I am more comfortable in my body now then I was then. But the breaking down of my self into body parts has always been ever present. You may be familiar with looking in the mirror and only seeing your ass, or your thighs, or like me, your belly. I could never see the whole me.
The rocks in this metaphor represent something (beliefs?) that hold me down. The rocks keep me from being fully in my power. A woman’s belly is her seat of power. We create life within our bellies. When we disown our bellies we deny our Creator Self. Water in dream symbology is often interpreted as emotions. Here I am weighted down and drowning in emotions, not able to free my spirit, not able to create, or be free to express my witchy self. My unconscious was believing all of this and it was seeping through into my conscious state. It would rear its ugly head at the best of times in my life. When ever I am feeling great I would get distracted with these body issues. There would be this buzzing that I would hear that would tell me my belly was fat or unattractive.
This memory shifted the feeling of heaviness that I have carried for my entire life. I feel lighter now. I still wish my belly were flatter but it doesn’t seem so distorted as it once did. When I look in the mirror I see my whole self rather than parts. I see. . . Me.
I sense this memory was able to come to the surface because of all the past life regression work I have been doing with myself and others. The massage brought me into a trance state where my unconscious could reveal itself. If you would like to do some past life exploration with my help you can find out how here.