In the past week I have been unpacking and organizing my new home in Ashland, Wi. Yet, I haven’t been able to feel completely settled because half of my stuff is still sitting in my old apartment in the cities.
Yesterday, my housemate and I drove down to pick up the rest of my stuff. Only, things didn’t work out exactly as I’d planned. We had picked up a ladder for a friend first, not realizing just how much space it would take up. I had a melt down once I understood that I wouldn’t be able to get all of my belongings in to the truck.
I surprised myself with my level of reaction to the situation. I have always prided myself on my minimalist nature and my emotional response to the situation blew me away. I was able to express my disappointment and frustration to my friend and that helped to calm me down. Once I settled down I realized a couple of things were going on. One, I didn’t trust that all was going to work out in the end and two I hold a belief that owning things makes me feel safe.
“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.”
I have been telling myself this past week that once I get all my stuff around me I can finally settle in and all will be well. I know the truth has little to do with my possessions holding any kind of security for me. I am glad I will be able to pick up the rest of my belongings (emphasis on longings) next week. I really want to have my stuff around me and there is nothing wrong with that. But I do understand that my pain around this came from attachment to those things.
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