Since my boyfriend and I broke up a year ago my self-esteem has been in the crapper. Unconsciously I had decided my worth was based on whether or not he loved me. Yes, I know this doesn’t make much sense and many people wiser than myself would tell me not to think this way. Yet, I believe this is a very human condition. We eartlhy creatures are constantly looking to others to tell us we are o.k.
This past week I went back for a visit to the city where he and I spent so much of our time together. Every where I went I could feel him in the memories that we shared. I realized that it wasn’t him that I was missing but the feeling of being in love. When I was in love with him I felt beautiful, sexy and wanted. I think that is the reason that it was so hard to let the relationship go. I simply didn’t want to give up those powerful feelings.
During my stay in the Cities my friend Elizabeth Fritz, who is a Soul Art Facilitator, brought me through a process that helped me find myself again. The journey we took that day with art and meditation made me realize that the most important relationship I have is the one to myself.
The image that you see above is part of the painting that I made during the Soul Art process. The eye is my eye, looking at me with the eyes of love. It is a reminder that it’s time to fall in love with me again. And, that my worth can not be determined by someone else’s actions or opinions of me.
This painting is actually a meditation mat. I use it every day during my yoga and meditation practice. It reminds me that I am my own beloved. In the image below you can see that there is a crown in the upper left hand corner. That is so I remember that I am a noble woman and to carry myself as such. My name Della means noble.
The image on the right represents all the many spiritual paths I have been on that have always led me back to center.
My take away from this journey is that the greatest gift to Self is Self Love. And, the surest way to lose my way, is by expecting another to validate me. I am on the road to falling in love again. . . and its with me.
Check out the playshop Elizabeth and I will be offering in June. You too can make your own mediation mat through the process of yoga and soul art.