What We See In The Mirror

Archer Pose
Photo Credit:  Linda S. Reed

If you are anything like me when you look in the mirror you don’t take in the whole image.  It’s hard to do, actually.  The eyes tend to gravitate to what we perceive as flaws instead of seeing the beauty that is undoubtedly there.

A friend of mine recently took some photos of me out in nature.  For the first time in a very long time, I could see the whole me.  I could see the strength and power in my body.

This photo shows that I am a woman with curves.  My programming (media, advertising, etc.) says that people with this many curves are not attractive.  I’ve recently begun a practice of self-love and it is helping me, along with this photo, to be more comfortable in my body, more accepting.

I like that I am beginning to inhabit my skin instead of disparaging it.  Drawing on the strength that years of yoga and meditation have built I can be a light that shines through the social constructs of what “they” say beauty is.  I am creating a new program of self-love and self-care that is dissolving the old messages of “not good enough”.  This is my mission and I choose to accept it.  Would you care to join me?

Read more about Della’s mission here.

No More Pretend Boyfriends

631fe42ecdb0379876b382e6af736a3cI’m swearing off pretend boyfriends.  What’s a pretend boyfriend?  He’s the one you are having a relationship with in your head but not in real life.

This all started when I was pretty young and just getting interested in boys.  I was pretty shy then and could barely put two sentences together let alone talk to the male of the species.  I would often daydream about being with one of them, just like any young girl, but my daydreaming was at a whole other level.  I created entire stories around these boys.  As I grew into an adult this didn’t stop and instead became a life long pattern on my part.

I recently had a break up from my last relationship and the letting go process has been long and painful.  I would do well for a while and feel as if I had moved through the worst and then I would reach out to him.  I did this several times over the past three months with no response on his part.  This non-response, instead of helping me move on, just made me feel like a crazy woman for reaching out in the first place.  The logical part of me knew that this was The Universe (and him) telling me that this relationship was dead in the water.  The other part of me, the part that couldn’t let go, just ended up spiraling down into a needy, emotional mess.

Recently, I asked myself, what it would mean to let him go.  The answer:  I was afraid of being alone.  If he took up space in my head then I wasn’t really alone.  I would spend energy thinking he just needs time.  Or, that it doesn’t make sense that he could just stop loving me.  He just needs to figure things out.  You see, I’d rather have a man in my head than not have one in my bed.  That was a hard truth for this girl to swallow.  It really, really sucked to realize this about myself.

This actually came at quite a surprise.  I’ve never experienced aloneness in my life.  At least not until now.  I never allowed myself.  I have a strong connection to my spirit self.  I talk to guides, angels, family who’ve passed on, etc. so am never really alone.  I didn’t realize until that moment that being alone and feeling alone are two separate things.  I am good at spending time alone.  In fact, I crave it, but I have distracted myself with pretend boyfriends to avoid feeling it.

I have decided to face my fears around this issue.  The first step is to let this former relationship go for realz.  No more fantasies about him reaching out to me, coming to his senses, realizing what he’d lost . . . no more reaching out to him.

Step two is to embrace being alone.  I mean to do those things that I’m afraid to do alone.  For example, yesterday, I went to the MN Irish Fair by myself.  I do not like crowds of people so this was a big deal for me.  Between figuring out how to get there, how much it cost, what to do once I got there all took a Herculean inner strength on my part.  I felt this act was my declaration of independence from my old way of being.  And, I loved the fair!  I plan on going on more solo adventures in the near future.

Step Three:  take the rest of this year off from men.  This means no fantasy relationships and no dating either.  I want to give myself time to really integrate not being in a relationship before I put myself out there again.  You see, I’ve been single a lot but I’ve never not had a pretend boyfriend during those spaces in between my relationships.

Step four is to really be alone with myself.  I can distract myself for hours, reading fiction or browsing on the internet or watching movies.  I will be limiting those things from my daily life.  I want to spend more time writing, walking in nature, practicing yoga and meditation.  Even though I already do those things I am often not really present while I am.  I can honestly say this scares me.  Who wants to feel aloneness, right?  Me.  That’s who.  I want to kick this fears ass!

The goal of this is to accept that I am enough on my own and to never lose myself in a relationship again.  In my unconscious fear of feeling alone, when a relationship began to fail, I would change.  I would desperately become someone else to try to save the relationship.  I would abandon myself to stay with them.  This new way of being is a supreme act of self-love.  I know that I am up to the task, yet I am afraid.  I am afraid that I will never have that great love.  I am not there yet but I know this great love that I long for is me.

Find out more about Della here.

Letting Go of Motherhood

James & MeFor the past 2 weeks I have been experiencing chronic back pain.  I have done all the usual things that someone like me who is an alternative therapies junkie can think of to release the pain.  Yoga, castor oil packs, chakra cleansing, massage, barefoot hiking and more have all been part of this healing regime.  I am a firm believer that my physical symptoms have an emotional cause.

Yoga seems to be where I can get in touch with the messages my body wants to speak due to the quiet that comes over me during the practice.  I know the root of my symptoms are stemming from my first and second chakras by where the pain has been radiating from.

The first chakra (base of the spine) holds our ideas about safety and security and governs the skeletal system. The second chakra (naval) holds the energy of creativity and sexuality and governs the sex organs.  Every thing below the navel in my back and legs has been stiff, sore and uncomfortable as hell.

When I tuned into my body during my yoga practice I got the message that my pain was due to my son leaving for Swaziland and the Peace Corps for 27 months.  I won’t be able to pick up the phone and talk to him whenever I feel like it.  I won’t be able to text him to tell him I love him whenever the mood strikes.  My son will not have the luxuries that we have here in the West.  He doesn’t even know if he will have access to electricity until he gets there, much less a cell phone.
The grief that I thought I was dealing with so well has shown up in my body.  My identity as a mother is being challenged to let go.  Because I have been unconsciously resistant to my identity changing, my body has been holding itself tightly and creating pain and stiffness.

Now that I know the emotional roots of my physical pain I can begin the true healing journey.  For me that begins with willingness.  “I am willing to be willing to be willing.” I plan to continue to get massage and chiropractic care and what ever else I am guided to do.

I will never not be my son’s mother.  But I willingly let go of that particular attachment to my identity.  Being James’ mother is a part of me but not the totality of me.  As I write this there are tears of release and relief.  The more that I free my son from my attachments the more free he becomes to be who he is meant to be.

Della offers many healing services.  You can find out more about her here.

 

Is It Safe For Men To Be Vulnerable?

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Recently, one of my male friends posted something incredibly personal and vulnerable on social media.  My first response was “I don’t want to know that about this person.”  My second response was shock that I would have this thought in the first place. For years I have been wanting men to become more vulnerable and share their emotional self and when one of them does I turned away.  I didn’t turn away for long.  I caught myself fairly quickly but my initial reaction gave me pause to see where I still have work to do and the challenge that men are having with being vulnerable in today’s world.

A former boyfriend would always tell me “We got this!”  I felt safe and supported when he would say this to me.  How do men be both strong and vulnerable for us?  The only way they can is if, we as women, allow them to be.  Me saying, “I don’t want to know this about you,” doesn’t create a safe place for vulnerability to occur.

The world we live in has conditioned us to see vulnerability in men as weakness.  When in truth, it takes great courage and strength to become vulnerable. They only way to change this is if we allow one another to be our authentic selves.  Authenticity is often messy and emotional. Holding space is a sacred act that we do when we listen.  True listening involves not just hearing the words that someone speaks but being completely present for them as well.   We have a long way to go with creating a place of safety for men to become vulnerable.  I wonder how the world would change if we did?

This is one view and it is completely from a feminine perspective.  I would love to hear from men what they need from women and even other men to feel safe with being vulnerable.  Please tell us what you need so we can be there for you in a much more sacred way.

Della’s website can be found here.

p.s. – Since I wrote this several days ago I’ve had the awareness that in turning away from this male friend I was also turning away from my own inner man . . . food for thought.

Is Your Inner Child In Charge of Your Relationship?

babycryingMine sure has been.  She has picked every single man I have dated in the past 25 years.  Now these have not been bad men.  They have all been beautiful.  My inner child can see an awesome playmate a mile away.  She is drawn to innocence, gentleness, humor and fun.  Every one of these relationships was incredible in their own way.  That is, until my adult showed up.  That is usually the point where the relationship would dissolve and the tantrums (mine) would begin.

While talking to a friend, I was sharing my struggles with letting go of my last  boyfriend.  We had recently broke up and I couldn’t seem to let him go.  My friend playfully pointed out that I was acting like a brat.  He said this with love but what I heard was that I was acting like a child.  He said you want this man and only him and it can’t be any other way.  And it was absolutely true.  He reminded me of what my adult wanted, a helpmate.  My inner child was willing to compromise what the grownup me wanted to get back together with this man.  The internal struggle would always look something like this.

“But I love him so much!”

“Yes, but he’s not for you.”

“But I know he loves me.”

“He’s not available,” says my adult self.  “You want someone who will return your calls, tell you he loves you first, build a life together, step up to the plate. . .”

“But, but, but . . . ”

Through the help of this friend I was able to see how my inner child has been in charge of my romantic relationships and keeping me in pain.

Parenting Your Inner Child

Once I became aware of my pattern of behavior I imagined myself holding my inner 2-year-old in my arms.  I told her that she had to let this man go.  I told her I understood how much she wanted and liked this person but he was not the right man for us now.  I told her I wanted her help in the future because I wasn’t always able to see like she could see.  I told her, with her help, the adult me would decide how to proceed with any future romance.  As I imagined holding my inner child I cried like I hadn’t cried before.  I cried like a parent whose child is hurting and you’re hurting because they are.  I cried cleansing tears.  I cried tears of love and acceptance that things were exactly as they were meant to be.

This was my first real step in moving forward.  It took awhile to get there.  Acknowledging my inner child was the key.

You can find out more about Della and who she is here.

Claim Your Inner Child Workshop

Finding Love The Old Fashioned Way

This post showed up in my Facebook memories today. I wrote this 1 year ago about how I met my boyfriend. It made me cry as this relationship is now over. I am grateful that I had such a beautiful experience yet I keep painfully struggling with the loss of this love.

I know that true love can never be lost. That the grief I am feeling isn’t from the loss of love but from the loss of Self. The pain is from the story I keep writing about this breakup. This story includes, abandonment, rejection, unavailability, and obsession. This story was written long before I even met this man. Every day I am looking at my pain and seeing my story. Every day I have to choose love time and time again. Love of him, love of the experience but mostly love of Self. The gift here is that I am seeing patterns that have long been part of all of my relationships with men and even some women. This has been hard. I know I have the courage to see it through even on the days where I seem to fail myself. I no longer want to take this story into any future relationships. My true love is me.

Della McGee

nature-heart-love-storm-Favim.com-509774

I met him in a coffee shop last summer.  I wasn’t looking for romance.  I was looking for free internet.  I asked to sit down beside him because the spot was in the sun.  The fact that he was male didn’t even register.   He said yes I could sit and didn’t he see me at the library yesterday?  Yes, that’s right.  I did see you at the library.  I didn’t tell him that I thought he was a bit stalkerish when I saw him there because of the way he kept staring at me.  I had ignored him at the library.

We chatted for an hour in the coffee shop.  As I got up to leave I handed him my business card.  I asked him to go to my website and if what I did for a living didn’t scare him off he should give me a call.  He called…

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I Am . . .

I channeled this message from my Spirit Guide Grandfather 2 years ago on this day and feel like the message is still timely today.

Yogagirl2's Blog

A Mother, Artist, Teacher, Healer, Friend

The labels we put on ourselves help us to divine (meant to use define) ourselves.  Yet those labels are not who we really are.  Check out this message from my Spirit Guide Grandfather on I Am.

To get a reading/healing session with Della or to find out more about her services please click here.

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Touched By An Angel

angel-embraceA few days ago I was practicing yoga and I began to weep.  Yoga will often bring up emotions stored deep in the cells of my body.  I had been weeping on and off for the past few months.  This day was different.  This grief was coming from deep inside me.  It felt different from anything else I had experienced up til then.  I was told by my Soul that I was carrying the collective grief of my family in my body.  This time it was coming up to be healed.  The grief was so intense that I asked for help.  “Please help me!” I cried.  “I can not do this any longer!”

Nine months ago I gave up on God.  I stopped believing in a god outside of me.  I no longer talked to my angels or my spirit guides (unless I was giving a reading.)  I turned inward for my Guidance.  My Soul became my go to for any assistance I needed.  I still believed in angels and spirit guides but I didn’t want to talk to them anymore.  I wanted to keep my spiritual conversations internal.  I thought if I did that I could simplify my spiritual life.  I no longer wanted to be the woowoo girl.

In doing this I let go of an enormous asset to my life.  That day on the mat I surrendered and asked for help.  I immediately felt a presence and arms embrace me.  I sense it was an angel but it doesn’t really matter.  It was comfort exactly when I needed it.  Since then my grief has lessened with each passing day.  I’ve been experiencing moments of peace and joy.  I’ve been asking my spirit helpers to assist me in little things as well as the bigger issues.  You see, these Helpers don’t interfere in our lives.  They can’t.  Yet, they are ready and excited to help as soon as we ask.

We are not alone.  We are never alone.  So, I encourage you to ask for help. Ask your friends, your family, your angels and your guides.  Asking for help isn’t weakness.  Asking for help is one of the most empowering things you can do.

Della is an intuitive reader and hands on healer.  She will be receiving her certification in hypnotherapy at the end of June 2016.  You can find out more about her here.

When It Hurts To Breathe

every breath hurtsHave you ever had so much grief it was hard to breathe?  That’s what it feels like in my life right now.  I am still grieving the loss of a relationship that ended months ago.  I have had relationships end before but not like this.  There is no hating, no anger, no cheating, nothing.  Just the end.

It’s not quite that black and white.  There were things that did lead up to here. We still communicate and even see each other once in a while.  But it’s not like it was before.  The connection is gone.  Some vital artery has been severed and the ones that are left are not enough to pump life back into this once beating heart.

I know this grief goes deeper than the end of a romance.  I feel I am truly grieving everything I have ever lost right now.  This may sound strange but 10 days ago I started an elimination diet with daily lymphatic brushing.  I have been deeply detoxing body, mind and soul.  It has been an intense 10 days with the loss of our beloved Prince, PMS, Peri-menopause, my son leaving for the peace corp soon, people I love in crisis, career changes, and the grief goes on . . .

When I step back from my emotions and just observe them for a moment I can see how this experience is healing me.  When a person feels everything so intensely that can be difficult to do.  The stepping back that is.

I believe emotions can get stuck in the body if not dealt with.  Over the past 18 months I have gained 20 pounds and a whole lot of cellulite.  My Guidance tells me that much of that is unprocessed emotions.  Now that I am losing the weight and the cellulite the grief is coming up from where I had buried it.  My joints, my fat cells, my organs are all releasing the past.

Astrologically there are 5 planets in retrograde happening now.  When one planet is in retrograde it can be tough.  When there are 5 . . . well that hasn’t occurred in a decade.  I think of planetary  retrogrades as opportunities to go backwards in time and look at what may be hidden deep in the cells of my being.  This process isn’t fun yet it is purposeful.  If I am hiding from myself then I can never truly experience love.

That is what I want.  Love of self, love of another, and to love all beings deeply.  So that is why I do this.  Not because I like pain, because I really don’t.  But because I want love.  Real.  Unconditional.  Love.  And, that is what I will receive.

And, so it is.

Della’s website and services.

Practicing Mastery

Hot-new-hand-painted-on-canvas-font-b-Musical-b-font-Instruments-oil-paintings-Susanne-ClarkWhile meditating this morning I pondered what it takes to be a better human.  We are all born Masters yet we rarely recognize this about ourselves.  So often the not good enough program gets the most air play.  We strive to be better not because we know we are perfect but because we think we are somehow flawed.  Reacting out of the not good enough program keeps the very thing we are trying to achieve (perfection) out of our awareness.  As long as we think we are flawed we will never see that which we already are.  Perfect.

A master musician does not arrive in this life knowing they are a master.  The first time they picked up their instrument, in all likelihood, a cacophony of noise emerged.  Over many hours and years of practice they became more adept and eventually the music flows.  Once a musician becomes a master they do not stop practicing.  Being a master musician doesn’t mean there isn’t more to learn and ways to grow their musical talent.  The same is with being human.

We are born perfect.  It can take a lifetime to remember our perfection.  We have to practice being masters and then we need to practice staying masters.  If we can begin to look at our selves from this perspective and not that we need to fix something about ourselves we can change the collective program of not being good enough.  We can practice being better humans from a place of perfection.