Trust And The Inner Child

Sad-Child“Do you trust yourself,” my friend asked?  “No” I replied.

This conversation was several weeks ago and I don’t even remember what the context of the conversation was. I do know the question had a profound impact on me.

After that conversation I had to ask myself why?  Why didn’t I trust myself?  The answer lay with the child within.  She didn’t trust the adult to take care of her.  Why would she.  I had abandoned her.  I had ignored her voice.  It wasn’t until recently that I had even acknowledged her.

The evidence of my life shows me that I have always been provided for yet the fear of not being so persisted.  Fast forward weeks later and I find that the fear I have been living with my whole life has lessened.  I still feel fear but I can go within now and know that everything will be all right.

How did She come to trust me?  I had to consistently be there for her.  Whenever fear would show up I would go within and imagine myself holding her.  I had to show her time and time again that I would be there for her no matter what.  Now, when something happens in my world I can feel that everything is o.k.  It’s a different experience than I’ve had before.  I feel safe.  I feel loved.  I feel supported.  She feels heard.  I am no longer in conflict with my inner child needs and my outer adult expression.  We feel. . . One.

If you are interested in learning more about the inner child and how to become one with her check out my website.

What’s Yours Will Come To You

I wrote this 2 years ago today and the information is incredibly timely to what I am experiencing in my life right now. It popped up in my Facebook memories. Even social media can be guidance from my Soul.

Yogagirl2's Blog

I’ve wondered why the energy in my life has felt a bit stagnate lately.  Sometimes it helps to get out of my head and ask for help.  Today I asked the Runes for clarification.   Runes are an ancient divination system first given to us by the Germanic people’s centuries ago.  Over the past 20 years the Runic system I have used is based on the work of Ralph Blum.  When I asked the Runes today what message they had for me and for you I received Ehwaz reversed.  It looks like this.

images

Ralph Blum says this about this rune in reverse:  Movement that appears to block.  Be certain that what you are doing – or not doing – is timely.  There are no missed opportunities.  You have simply to recognize that not all possibilities are open to you, that not all opportunities are appropriate.  The opportunity at hand may…

View original post 260 more words

The Snake Ring – A Menopause Tale

snake ring 2To say I have struggled with symptoms of menopause over the past 2-1/2 years is an understatement.   I have even called one friend in tears and used the word suffering.  I am not a sufferer by nature so this was a big deal for me to admit how hard of a time I was having.

I had experienced peri-menopause for the past 10 years so I wasn’t surprised when the symptoms of menopause hit one cold January day with warm flushes that started slowly, an increasing warmth as it traveled up my body.  I had a sense of excitement as I was proud to begin my journey into cronehood.  I have always resonated with the image of Crone.  Not the old, dried up version but the empowered, magical Crone.  A wise woman who knows herself.

It was easy for me to be in that space as it was January and warmth in January is a good thing.  As the weeks and months wore on my symptoms increased.  I no longer felt a sense of pride in becoming a crone I just wanted the ordeal to be over.  When menopause started that January day I thought this would be a few months journey, maybe a year of symptoms and then my periods would stop and I would have ascended into my Wise Self into Crone Woman.  Nope.

I’m still struggling, crying, cursing and gnashing my teeth that my periods haven’t stopped yet.  I don’t think I would mind so much if they were on their once regular 28 day cycle.  Now my periods can be days and weeks over due.  That too would be alright but that often means that PMS will hang on until I bleed.  I have been known to beg my body to bleed so the PMS would end.

I know this seems dramatic and it is.  They don’t call it The Change for nothin’!  In the past 2-1/2 years I’ve ended a long term romantic relationship and found a new love.  I’ve moved, changed jobs, let go of friendships that were no longer working and found my voice.  I am discovering a new me by letting go of that which no longer serves who I really am.  I don’t let go easily.  There is usually kicking and screaming and often times blood is drawn along the way.

As, once again, I  await on Woman Who Bleeds to show herself the symptoms of PMS keep me company.  I am at a place in my journey that when Crazy Woman arrives I surrender to myself.  I go deep within and I ask for help.  Being closely connected to nature that help will often show up in the form of symbolism.  This time it is Snake Medicine.  In the past week I have dreamed of snakes, taken a Facebook quiz where snake showed up as my animal helper and had a vision of snakes filling my body while working with a healer.

Snake is a the perfect helper for women going through The Change.  Snakes shed their skin and we as women shed our old selves during this time in our lives.  This shedding prepares us for our wisdom days so that we can show up as leaders, healers and role models for our families, friends, and communities.  During my vision I knew I was to find a piece of jewelry to wear that was to remind me of my sacred journey.  Menopause is a sacred journey and thinking of it as such seems to ease my PMS symptoms.  The snake vision gave me a sense of peace that I was doing something of importance and a knowing that this journey isn’t in vain.

While attending the Minnesota Renaissance Festival I found my ring.  I’ve been wearing my snake ring every day since I found her.  Snake helps me to stay strong when Crazy Woman is present.  I know this woman intimately.  I no longer see her as a destroyer but as a builder.  I need her help to find the strength within me to be my wise self.  She does not suffer fools, has very little patience and is not apologetic.  She fights fiercely on my behalf.  She has always been there since I became Woman Who Bleeds.  I have tried to hide her all these years.  She will no longer be pushed down under the programming of female passivity.  I welcome her as she is my teacher and my guide until I fully become Crone Woman.snake ringDella is a healer, teacher, artist and writer.  You can find out more about her here.

Fat Head

hat

When I was a child I believed I was fat.  This belief lasted long into my adulthood.  Sorting through some old photos the other day I came across images of me in my younger years.  No where in those photos was a fat person.  The pictures actually show the opposite.  I look lean and fit and maybe just a bit cheeky.

mischiefWhere did this idea that I was fat come from?  I’d like to blame it on my father who called me lead bottom.  Apparently I fell down on my butt a lot.  Or, I can point to my three older brothers who teased me.  I honestly don’t feel that this belief about my body came from these sources though.  I believe it comes from the unrealistic images we, as women, are inundated with in movies and magazines.  The marketers of the world have stated that a woman should look a certain way and we are bad or wrong if we don’t.  These marketing messages seep into every fiber of a woman’s conscious, unconscious and subconscious.  We are literally programmed to believe that we are fat no matter what size we are.

11Well into my 20’s I would shop for clothes that were sized large.  It took me until my 30’s to realize I wasn’t a large person and to stop shopping for large clothes.15 sturgeon lake farm

Today I am closing in on 50 and I can tell you that it has been a long journey to body love.  My body is more round than it was as a youth and that is to be expected.  I have birthed a baby, had a car accident, gone through several surgeries, grieved death and loved unabashedly.  All of this has marked me.  But what has marked me the most is my years of perceiving myself as unlovable, as fat, as anything less than beautiful.  Being fat was all in my head.  Thus, the fat head title to this post.

Photo on 5-12-15 at 9.28 AM #5

Today I can honestly say I love my body.  On most days I feel beautiful.  I still have the occasional “fat head” day but those days come fewer and farther between.  It has become my mission to remind women that they are beautiful exactly as they are.

To learn more about Della and her services click here.