I’ve thought a lot about this lately as I’ve stepped off the scale and begun to see my self with more compassion. I’m not exactly sure where I learned that my worth is what I weigh, how much I carry out in a day or how much money I have or don’t have in my bank account. I know that some of these messages I learned in childhood and others constantly bombard us on billboards, magazines, television, etc.
I’ve turned my focus these days to what I have instead of what I don’t. In thinking about wealth I realize I am abundant in relationships, freedom, time, creativity, health & wellness, etc. I don’t always recognize these things because my focus is often on money being the descriptor of abundance. Being self-employed and being a follower of the law of attraction is often tricky at times. The law of attraction teaches that what you focus on you create. It is easy to see what I am not creating in my life and then thinking there is something wrong with me or, that I’m not”doing it” right, or that I’m not being spiritual enough. I call bullsh@#t on that!
Today I am deciding that I have enough. I do enough. I am enough. And, that is enough.
Della is a psychic healer, yoga teacher and soul artist. You can find out more about her services here.
When I was a child I believed I was fat. This belief lasted long into my adulthood. Sorting through some old photos the other day I came across images of me in my younger years. No where in those photos was a fat person. The pictures actually show the opposite. I look lean and fit and maybe just a bit cheeky.
Where did this idea that I was fat come from? I’d like to blame it on my father who called me lead bottom. Apparently I fell down on my butt a lot. Or, I can point to my three older brothers who teased me. I honestly don’t feel that this belief about my body came from these sources though. I believe it comes from the unrealistic images we, as women, are inundated with in movies and magazines. The marketers of the world have stated that a woman should look a certain way and we are bad or wrong if we don’t. These marketing messages seep into every fiber of a woman’s conscious, unconscious and subconscious. We are literally programmed to believe that we are fat no matter what size we are.
Well into my 20’s I would shop for clothes that were sized large. It took me until my 30’s to realize I wasn’t a large person and to stop shopping for large clothes.
Today I am closing in on 50 and I can tell you that it has been a long journey to body love. My body is more round than it was as a youth and that is to be expected. I have birthed a baby, had a car accident, gone through several surgeries, grieved death and loved unabashedly. All of this has marked me. But what has marked me the most is my years of perceiving myself as unlovable, as fat, as anything less than beautiful. Being fat was all in my head. Thus, the fat head title to this post.
Today I can honestly say I love my body. On most days I feel beautiful. I still have the occasional “fat head” day but those days come fewer and farther between. It has become my mission to remind women that they are beautiful exactly as they are.
To learn more about Della and her services click here.