In it’s simplest of terms a chakra is an energy center that reflects what is going on within our physical, mental and emotional self. I like to think of each energy center as a hard drive that stores information about our experiences. Those experiences and how we process them can determine whether or not our hard drive runs efficiently or whether it is so chock-full of old data that it affects the entire system and begins to shut down.
For the past 2 weeks I have been experiencing chronic back pain. I have done all the usual things that someone like me who is an alternative therapies junkie can think of to release the pain. Yoga, castor oil packs, chakra cleansing, massage, barefoot hiking and more have all been part of this healing regime. I am a firm believer that my physical symptoms have an emotional cause.
Yoga seems to be where I can get in touch with the messages my body wants to speak due to the quiet that comes over me during the practice. I know the root of my symptoms are stemming from my first and second chakras by where the pain has been radiating from.
The first chakra (base of the spine) holds our ideas about safety and security and governs the skeletal system. The second chakra (naval) holds the energy of creativity and sexuality and governs the sex organs. Every thing below the navel in my back and legs has been stiff, sore and uncomfortable as hell.
When I tuned into my body during my yoga practice I got the message that my pain was due to my son leaving for Swaziland and the Peace Corps for 27 months. I won’t be able to pick up the phone and talk to him whenever I feel like it. I won’t be able to text him to tell him I love him whenever the mood strikes. My son will not have the luxuries that we have here in the West. He doesn’t even know if he will have access to electricity until he gets there, much less a cell phone.
The grief that I thought I was dealing with so well has shown up in my body. My identity as a mother is being challenged to let go. Because I have been unconsciously resistant to my identity changing, my body has been holding itself tightly and creating pain and stiffness.
Now that I know the emotional roots of my physical pain I can begin the true healing journey. For me that begins with willingness. “I am willing to be willing to be willing.” I plan to continue to get massage and chiropractic care and what ever else I am guided to do.
I will never not be my son’s mother. But I willingly let go of that particular attachment to my identity. Being James’ mother is a part of me but not the totality of me. As I write this there are tears of release and relief. The more that I free my son from my attachments the more free he becomes to be who he is meant to be.
Della offers many healing services. You can find out more about her here.
Originally posted back in March to my now defunct Yogagirl’s blog site.
Stillness is hard.
Stillness is surrender.
Stillness means I have to trust. Something.
I am writing this in hopes to get insights into the art of stillness. I’m not very good at stillness. I am a mover by nature. I move my body. I move my mind. Movement keeps me safe. Or so I have always thought.
This morning, as I was writing in my journal, I was given a football metaphor by my IGS (Internal Guidance System). The metaphor is this: I am the quarterback. I am the quarterback who never passes the ball. I look down field and I see receivers but I don’t trust them to catch the ball. I am constantly in a state of feeling like I’m about to be sacked (anxiety). For the life of me I can not release the ball.
I move on to other thoughts in my journal and then out of the blue it hits me. I can pass the ball to my spirit. That part of me knows more than I do. In my mind I pass the ball to my spirit. O.K. I’ve let go of the ball. I can move on with my day.
I get on my yoga mat and there is an unusual amount of stiffness in the backs of my legs. Intuitively I know this is fear I am holding in my first chakra. On an emotional level the first chakra represents safety and security. I don’t feel safe so I hold a lot of tension in the backs of my legs.
I find my quiet place and my IGS tells me to be still today. More anxiety comes up. I can’t be still. I can’t do NOTHING! If I do nothing then nothing will happen. “I CAN”T DO NOTHING!” the voice in my head cries louder. I begin to panic. I start to breath deeply as the fear grows stronger. Fear tells me it is keeping me safe by keeping me busy. I know this for a lie but it is how I have survived these past 50 years. I am afraid to let go. If I let go I die. Surrender = death.
I know in my heart that I will be safe if I surrender. Yet the old patterns cling tightly to my body. There has been a lot of inflammation in my body for the past several days. My IGS told me it was fear. The wise part of myself hears the truth in this. Fear tells me it is something in my diet. “It must be the sugar you ate in the chocolate covered almonds last night.” Fear always tries to misdirect me from my truth. Fear is the master of misdirection.
I come back to center through my breath. Stillness is in the breath. I ask myself what do I have to lose if I am still? I have the courage to find out. I will let you know . . .
Find out more about Della and her healing services here.
Learn more about the Chakra system in Anatomy Of The Spirit by Caroline Myss
in my be-ing
I am Woman
About this painting: I am currently using acrylics on canvas to explore the chakra system through my art. This painting reflects our first chakra. I’ve entitled it “standing in her power”. To find out more about my services please visit me here.