Letting Go of Motherhood

James & MeFor the past 2 weeks I have been experiencing chronic back pain.  I have done all the usual things that someone like me who is an alternative therapies junkie can think of to release the pain.  Yoga, castor oil packs, chakra cleansing, massage, barefoot hiking and more have all been part of this healing regime.  I am a firm believer that my physical symptoms have an emotional cause.

Yoga seems to be where I can get in touch with the messages my body wants to speak due to the quiet that comes over me during the practice.  I know the root of my symptoms are stemming from my first and second chakras by where the pain has been radiating from.

The first chakra (base of the spine) holds our ideas about safety and security and governs the skeletal system. The second chakra (naval) holds the energy of creativity and sexuality and governs the sex organs.  Every thing below the navel in my back and legs has been stiff, sore and uncomfortable as hell.

When I tuned into my body during my yoga practice I got the message that my pain was due to my son leaving for Swaziland and the Peace Corps for 27 months.  I won’t be able to pick up the phone and talk to him whenever I feel like it.  I won’t be able to text him to tell him I love him whenever the mood strikes.  My son will not have the luxuries that we have here in the West.  He doesn’t even know if he will have access to electricity until he gets there, much less a cell phone.

The grief that I thought I was dealing with so well has shown up in my body.  My identity as a mother is being challenged to let go.  Because I have been unconsciously resistant to my identity changing, my body has been holding itself tightly and creating pain and stiffness.

Now that I know the emotional roots of my physical pain I can begin the true healing journey.  For me that begins with willingness.  “I am willing to be willing to be willing.” I plan to continue to get massage and chiropractic care and what ever else I am guided to do.

I will never not be my son’s mother.  But I willingly let go of that particular attachment to my identity.  Being James’ mother is a part of me but not the totality of me.  As I write this there are tears of release and relief.  The more that I free my son from my attachments the more free he becomes to be who he is meant to be.

Della offers many healing services.  You can find out more about her here.

A New Path Emerges out of Transformation Addiction

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Painting by Katelyn Mariah

I have recently given up my addiction to transformation.  This post is from my friend Katelyn Mariah.  We have been on a similar journey these past few years.   Different paths that have led to the same destination, self-love.   Click on the link below to read her blog and see if you can resonate as well.

Katelyn’s blog:   A New Path Emerges out of Transformation Addiction

Della’s Website

How Self-Pleasure Creates Intimacy

birth-of-aphrodite1In a recent visit to my massage therapist she commented on how I was disconnected from my body.  Lately, I have been in the throes of change both internally (peri-menopause) and externally.  All these changes had caused a disconnection from my body and I had taken up residence in my head.  She suggested self-pleasuring to get me back in touch with myself  Yes, it’s exactly what you think.  Masturbation.

Before peri-menopause you would never have had to suggest masturbation to me.  I had a very high sex drive.  At one point in my life I was concerned with how distracted I was by my desire for sexual release.  Over the past couple years as my hormones have changed so has my sex drive.  What once was a daily ritual became once a week and then too much of a bother at all.

I took up my therapists advice and prescribed myself a daily orgasm.  What started out as a chore became a sensual pleasure.  I began to feel differently in my body.  I am feeling sexy and secure in my skin.  For those of you who know me this is not my norm.  I decided to take this self-pleasure to another level.

Once I connected to the feeling of sensuality and pleasure in my body I incorporated this energy into how I ate and walked and the clothes that I choose to wear.  I decided that I needed to connect more deeply with the Divine Feminine and began using divination tools that directly access the Divine Goddess energies.  Each Goddess from our mythologies carries her own unique characteristics.  She is receptive, creative and nurturing.  She embodies pleasure.  I am using these tools to connect more deeply with the aspects of Her.

Moving my body has become a pleasure as well.  Walking, dancing and yoga have become something more than exercise.  I am delighting in the pure magnificence of my human form.  One morning I slathered myself with coconut oil and then stood under a hot shower and massaged all the tight spots and said thank you for my health and well-being.

Cooking a meal has taken on a whole new meaning.  When I create something in the kitchen I have imagined myself mixing up a sacred potion that I then get to consume with pleasure.

Intimacy means a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.  Connecting with pleasure has made me feel more whole and more present in my life.  That is what intimacy is – being fully present for another.  In this case the other is me.
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I encourage you to invite more pleasure into your life.  It does not have to look like my way.  It can be as simple as playing with your children on the floor, eating a decadent piece of chocolate or dressing up for a night on the town or a night in the bedroom with your lover.  How ever you express and experience pleasure will connect you with yourself more intimately.  Enjoy!
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Della is a healer, psychic, writer, artist and yogi.  You can find out more about her services here.

Like A Moth to Flame

life_advice_affairs2_0513Being an empath, I easily pick up the energy in my environment and then process it in my body.  I live down town Saint Paul so have a lot of environment to process.  I was recently reading a wonderful book by Echo Bodine called Hands That Heal.  In her book she gives a simple clearing technique that I am finding very effective.  Simply state:

Clear my body.
Clear my mind.
Clear my soul.
Thank you.

I’ve used this tool for a couple of weeks now, several times a day, and find it works great.

Della is a healer, psychic, writer, artist and recipe creator.  Find more about her services here.

Kisses That Taste Sweet Like Forgiveness

8848fe7c7611ad562d57b22ffc1f0692The other night I dreamed I yelled at my son.  He had left the stove on after he had cooked something and left me with the mess.  After yelling at him I hugged and kissed him.  He pulled away and said my kiss tasted like forgiveness.  I said I do forgive you.  He said no, my kiss, actually tasted sweet like forgiveness.

There is a profound message in this dream that my logical mind can’t wrap itself around.  Yet understanding pulses through my entire being.

I sense that is the point of the dream.  Forgiveness is not something that can be accomplished through the logical or intellectual mind.  Forgiveness comes from the heart and the soul and is felt deep in the body.

Della is a healer, yogi, writer, and artist.  You can find out more about her services here.

Are You A Spell Caster or a Light Weaver

spellbookWords have power.  The written word even more so.  I was about to write a post in a Facebook group that I’m part of when I stopped myself.  As I was writing the words I became aware of how real I was making the issue I was writing about.  I was casting a spell and inviting the group to strengthen the spell by reading it.  I was going to write about the pain and struggle I have experienced around some physical challenges I’m having now.  As I typed each letter the spell began to form and I had this sense that if I continued writing the post it would make what I was going through that much more difficult.  I erased the words and thus erased the spell.

I did talk about my struggle with a close friend and my boyfriend.  These two people are safe.  These two people see me as whole and complete.  They understand that sometimes we need to talk about things to release them and in the releasing them I began to feel better by the end of the day.  Not everyone can hold space for us in this way.  It is a special gift we give one another.

This is what Don Miguel Ruiz writes about spell casting.  He is the author of The Four Agreements

Be Impeccable with Your Word

Your word is the power that you have to create. It is a gift. All the magic you possess is based on your word. Every human is a magician, and we can either put a spell on someone with our word or we can release someone from a spell. We cast spells all the time with our opinions.

Your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. If you don’t misuse your word you will only create beauty, love, and heaven on earth.

This got me thinking about what it means to be a spell caster vs. a light weaver.  To be perfectly honest, some days I am both.  Yet today I am more aware of the impact each has on the world and the responsibility I have when I choose my words.

Della is a healer, psychic, yoga teacher, writer and artist.  You can find out more about her and her services by clicking this link.

Don’t Resist The Resistance

Life-is-a-series-of-natural-and-spontaneous-changes.-Lao-TzuThis is what a very wise friend told me a couple of weeks ago:  Don’t resist the resistance.  I was telling her about some resistance I was struggling with due to some challenging symptoms of menopause.  That is when she shared these words with me. I’ve used these words as a mantra since and I find it incredibly liberating.  I use to feel shame for my resistance.  As a spiritual being I’d like to think I can face change head on.  That is often not the case  Now I can see resistance as a harbinger of transformation.
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I am at a place where I can welcome this change in my body now.  I first have to acknowledge my resistance and then I can open to those things to come.  Resistance isn’t a bad thing.  If we aren’t feeling resistance then we can miss the messages our mind and our body is trying to tell us. Resistance is information.  It tells us that something is wanting to change within our being.  The key for me is to acknowledge that it is there and not to fight it.  That gives me the awareness to move beyond resistance to the next step of the journey . . . change.
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Della is a psychic healer, intuitive yoga teacher, soul artist and blogger.  You can find out more about her services at her website.

K.I.S.S. – Keep It Simple Soul

tumblr_me207r1Pdn1qmm3xxo1_500I once had a friend tell me that I was addicted to transformation.  That was many years ago yet that statement has never left me.  What he meant by those words is that I am so often moving on to the next issue that needs healed, processing some emotional angst or reading the next self-help book on the market that I am rarely being in the moment and integrating what I’ve already learned.

I have a stack of books on my table that I want to read yet I can’t seem to crack them open.  I am over saturated with tools and techniques that will help me heal my finances, my self-esteem, my diet, etc.  To be honest I can’t seem to absorb on more tool, one more affirmation, one more suggestion on how to change my life.

It is becoming clear to me that what my friend said is still true.  In keeping myself busy with transforming I never accept that I am already whole and complete.  I never get to fully integrate the healing that has already occurred.  I haven’t celebrated who I have become because of all the work I am still doing.

My Guidance has been gently slowing me down and encouraging me to keep things simple.  What does that mean?  Be in the now.  As I was washing my dishes this morning I noticed I was holding my breath.  When I hold my breath I am either thinking about the past or the future.  I am not living in the now.

For me, keeping it simple means to breathe and be in the present moment.  That is more than enough. . .

Della is a soul artist, healer and a yogi.  You can find out more about her services here.

Urban Adventure – Finding Nature In The City

160-mearsUrban adventurer.  That is what someone called me today as I was walking on the rocks and in the stream in Mears Park today.

You see, I needed nature and I needed it bad!  Mears Park is a man-made park that fills a block in the city in Lower Town Saint Paul.  It’s pretty much the only nature in all down town Saint Paul.  It’s a small space but it is lovely.  There are flowers and trees and my life’s blood, which is water.

Today’s been rough.  I’m going through hormonal changes (journey into menopause) and some days I can barely function.  I woke up this morning and I just didn’t want to do anything.  Right before my period (when I do get it these days) I often have extreme PMS.  Today is one of those days.  My body bloats up to inhuman proportions, all I want to do is eat salt and chocolate, and my mind dips its toes into crazy land.

As I was sinking deeper and deeper into negativity I decided I had better move my body.  I knew I needed nature and not wanting to drive I walked to the closest place to me which is Mears Park.  I began by sitting on some rocks by the little stream that runs through the park.  Then I put my feet in the water.  Then I decided I would walk on the rocks that lined the edge of the stream.  As I came upon a tree I would run my hand up and down its bark in communion.  Trees have always been my friend.  One of my spirit names is Dashana which means One With Trees.

A gentleman observing me on this tiny sojourn was the one who called me an urban adventurer.  I wish I could say I feel completely shifted after this walk. But I do feel better and that is a much nicer place to be than the muck I was dwelling in before.

Nature is a gift.  I am grateful for its healing properties.  Even the smallest spaces of nature can bring us love and healing if we let it.  Can you find your urban adventure in a city near you?

Della is a psychic and a healer.  You can find out more about her here.

What Does Your Soul Colors Look Like?

Della's Soul Colors Portrait
Della’s Soul Colors Portrait

One day I decided to paint.  I have no formal training yet haven’t let that stop me.  When I paint from my mind there is a confusing mess ending up on the canvas.  When I paint from my heart . . .  I paint what Guidance speaks through me.

Here are some of the Soul Colors Portraits I have painted for clients over the past year.  If you feel called to commission one for yourself you can find out more here.