Trust And The Inner Child

Sad-Child“Do you trust yourself,” my friend asked?  “No” I replied.

This conversation was several weeks ago and I don’t even remember what the context of the conversation was. I do know the question had a profound impact on me.

After that conversation I had to ask myself why?  Why didn’t I trust myself?  The answer lay with the child within.  She didn’t trust the adult to take care of her.  Why would she.  I had abandoned her.  I had ignored her voice.  It wasn’t until recently that I had even acknowledged her.

The evidence of my life shows me that I have always been provided for yet the fear of not being so persisted.  Fast forward weeks later and I find that the fear I have been living with my whole life has lessened.  I still feel fear but I can go within now and know that everything will be all right.

How did She come to trust me?  I had to consistently be there for her.  Whenever fear would show up I would go within and imagine myself holding her.  I had to show her time and time again that I would be there for her no matter what.  Now, when something happens in my world I can feel that everything is o.k.  It’s a different experience than I’ve had before.  I feel safe.  I feel loved.  I feel supported.  She feels heard.  I am no longer in conflict with my inner child needs and my outer adult expression.  We feel. . . One.

If you are interested in learning more about the inner child and how to become one with her check out my website.

Claiming Your Inner Child For Health, Happiness & Wholeness

7a43b6786034306c6d3ce3272c610803Have you claimed your Inner Child yet?  I for one, have dabbled here and there and promptly forgotten her when all was said and done.  The thing about the inner child is she will NOT be ignored!  The more our inner children are forgotten about the more they tend to act out.  I have recently reconnected with my inner child and she was a confused, frightened and lonely little girl.  She not only felt abandoned and alone she felt angry about it too.

I believe my Inner Child is at the root of my addictions and tendencies towards co-dependency.  Since she does not have the skill set to soothe herself she turns to sugar, carbs, obsessive behaviors and distraction.  This creates an imbalance in my system and disharmony in my life.  On the one hand, my Wise Self knows what actions she needs to take to create peace in my world. But, if I am not taking into account the needs of my inner child, I end up battling between my Wise Self and my Child Self.  This creates a cycle low self-esteem and shame.

They key to wholeness is claiming our Inner Child.

All my life I have wanted a man to claim me.  Time and time again I have picked unavailable men to be in relationship with.  When these relationships failed I became lost and heartbroken.   This work has shown me that if I am unwilling to claim myself then no one else can either.

Where to begin?

It begins with acknowledgement.  Once my inner child is acknowledged and heard she stops acting out and I have the power to take right action in my life again.  Yet, it takes more than that initial recognition.  It takes constancy.  I’ve begun to learn what my inner child’s voice sounds like.  When my behavior feels childish I can stop myself and ask what she needs.  When I ask my self, “Where did that come from?”  It is often my inner child trying to get her needs met in a way my adult never would.   It is, most often, that she needs to be heard.

The final piece of the puzzle is integration.  This takes time.  Before your inner child can be integrated there needs to be a relationship built between the parent (your adult self) and the inner child.  You will know when you’ve become integrated when you begin to feel more grounded, whole and complete.

Let’s say hi to our inner child.

Close your eyes for a moment and take a few deep breaths.  Go within your heart space or your belly and ask for your child to show themself.  What do they look like?  What emotions are they expressing?  Your child may be scared or angry.  Your child may be happy or sad.  What ever the case let the adult you embrace the child you.  Take a few more deep breaths and hold each other.  Talk to your child and let them know you love them.  Let them know that you are there to take care of them.  It may take awhile for your child to trust you.  This is normal.  Now say good-bye for now and come back to this present moment.  How did that feel?  Now do this again the next day, and the next, and . . . until you feel your child and you as one.

Find out about Della’s services here.

Is Your Inner Child In Charge of Your Relationship?

Claim Your Inner Child Workshop

Is Your Inner Child In Charge of Your Relationship?

babycryingMine sure has been.  She has picked every single man I have dated in the past 25 years.  Now these have not been bad men.  They have all been beautiful.  My inner child can see an awesome playmate a mile away.  She is drawn to innocence, gentleness, humor and fun.  Every one of these relationships was incredible in their own way.  That is, until my adult showed up.  That is usually the point where the relationship would dissolve and the tantrums (mine) would begin.

While talking to a friend, I was sharing my struggles with letting go of my last  boyfriend.  We had recently broke up and I couldn’t seem to let him go.  My friend playfully pointed out that I was acting like a brat.  He said this with love but what I heard was that I was acting like a child.  He said you want this man and only him and it can’t be any other way.  And it was absolutely true.  He reminded me of what my adult wanted, a helpmate.  My inner child was willing to compromise what the grownup me wanted to get back together with this man.  The internal struggle would always look something like this.

“But I love him so much!”

“Yes, but he’s not for you.”

“But I know he loves me.”

“He’s not available,” says my adult self.  “You want someone who will return your calls, tell you he loves you first, build a life together, step up to the plate. . .”

“But, but, but . . . ”

Through the help of this friend I was able to see how my inner child has been in charge of my romantic relationships and keeping me in pain.

Parenting Your Inner Child

Once I became aware of my pattern of behavior I imagined myself holding my inner 2-year-old in my arms.  I told her that she had to let this man go.  I told her I understood how much she wanted and liked this person but he was not the right man for us now.  I told her I wanted her help in the future because I wasn’t always able to see like she could see.  I told her, with her help, the adult me would decide how to proceed with any future romance.  As I imagined holding my inner child I cried like I hadn’t cried before.  I cried like a parent whose child is hurting and you’re hurting because they are.  I cried cleansing tears.  I cried tears of love and acceptance that things were exactly as they were meant to be.

This was my first real step in moving forward.  It took awhile to get there.  Acknowledging my inner child was the key.

You can find out more about Della and who she is here.

Claim Your Inner Child Workshop