Inspired Vision

athena_boulet
artist: Susan Seddon Boulet

I was journaling this morning and asking my Spirit Guide Mother why I got sucked back into a place of longing and despair.  I was doing so well and then before I knew it I was lost.  Here is a poem I wrote about that journey.

Mother responded in this way:

You are never alone yet you see it not.  You are so easily distracted by the illusions of this world.  It is all fantasy.  Every bit of it.

What is real then, I ask?

You.

When you dwell in your heart you can see through the veil of illusion covering your eyes.

Can we transcend illusion during our lifetime?

Yes. 

By listening with your heart.

By seeing with your heart.

By breathing from your heart.

By acting from your heart.

Illusion will always be a veil covering your world.  It is up to you to choose to move the veil aside and live from a place of inspired vision.

Mother is right.  I haven’t been living from my heart lately.  I’ve been so distracted by what I don’t have in my life right now that I had forgotten about the things that I do have.  I had forgotten all the things that bring me joy.  Choosing joy over pain seems like such a simple thing . . .

Find out more about Della and her services here.

The Drowning

4530646it crept upon me unawares
this longing for you

i was doing so well

could see the shore
in the distance

catching me
in its wake

pulling
me under

before i knew. . .

i was drowning

so preoccupied with
thinking you

were
coming back

that i lost my joy

lost my self

lost my

life

Love Is Light Made Manifest

astronomy-wallpaper-5As I’ve mentioned in an earlier post I’ve recently connected with a new guide named Mother who helms from the Pleiades.  She recently shared with me another message and I thought I’d share with you.

All is well even if it doesn’t appear so.  Be not deceived by the chaos on Earth.  It has always been this way. Your species are becoming more sensitive to the harshness of this chaos as you evolve.  This makes you more “aware” of the energies that surround you than ever before.  It is important to connect to Earth energy as it has a grounding effect on you.  It will keep you from becoming overwhelmed by these fast-moving energy shifts.

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It is easy to become anxious with all the fear that you are exposed to daily.  Your media contributes to this anxiety.  We are not saying to be uninformed yet are asking you to be discerning with how much you subject yourself too.  The fear that is surrounding you can only be diminished through your continued activation of light.  How you do this is through heart centered acceptance of yourself and others.

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Judgement is literally destroying your species.  The more you focus on self-love and acceptance the more you can hold space for Peace on Earth.  Remember that Peace is stronger than fear.  You will prevail.  Do not give up on yourselves.  The darkness you are experiencing is all part of the journey towards enlightenment.

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The true meaning of enlightenment is this:  That which has been hidden is emerging into the light.  Do not be afraid of the dark.  It is fear that threatens you and not darkness.  Darkness is merely an absence of light.  Love is light made manifest.

To find out more about Della and her services connect with her here.  She is currently offering 1/2 hour hands on healing sessions for donation through the end of the year.

No More Pretend Boyfriends

631fe42ecdb0379876b382e6af736a3cI’m swearing off pretend boyfriends.  What’s a pretend boyfriend?  He’s the one you are having a relationship with in your head but not in real life.

This all started when I was pretty young and just getting interested in boys.  I was pretty shy then and could barely put two sentences together let alone talk to the male of the species.  I would often daydream about being with one of them, just like any young girl, but my daydreaming was at a whole other level.  I created entire stories around these boys.  As I grew into an adult this didn’t stop and instead became a life long pattern on my part.

I recently had a break up from my last relationship and the letting go process has been long and painful.  I would do well for a while and feel as if I had moved through the worst and then I would reach out to him.  I did this several times over the past three months with no response on his part.  This non-response, instead of helping me move on, just made me feel like a crazy woman for reaching out in the first place.  The logical part of me knew that this was The Universe (and him) telling me that this relationship was dead in the water.  The other part of me, the part that couldn’t let go, just ended up spiraling down into a needy, emotional mess.

Recently, I asked myself, what it would mean to let him go.  The answer:  I was afraid of being alone.  If he took up space in my head then I wasn’t really alone.  I would spend energy thinking he just needs time.  Or, that it doesn’t make sense that he could just stop loving me.  He just needs to figure things out.  You see, I’d rather have a man in my head than not have one in my bed.  That was a hard truth for this girl to swallow.  It really, really sucked to realize this about myself.

This actually came at quite a surprise.  I’ve never experienced aloneness in my life.  At least not until now.  I never allowed myself.  I have a strong connection to my spirit self.  I talk to guides, angels, family who’ve passed on, etc. so am never really alone.  I didn’t realize until that moment that being alone and feeling alone are two separate things.  I am good at spending time alone.  In fact, I crave it, but I have distracted myself with pretend boyfriends to avoid feeling it.

I have decided to face my fears around this issue.  The first step is to let this former relationship go for realz.  No more fantasies about him reaching out to me, coming to his senses, realizing what he’d lost . . . no more reaching out to him.

Step two is to embrace being alone.  I mean to do those things that I’m afraid to do alone.  For example, yesterday, I went to the MN Irish Fair by myself.  I do not like crowds of people so this was a big deal for me.  Between figuring out how to get there, how much it cost, what to do once I got there all took a Herculean inner strength on my part.  I felt this act was my declaration of independence from my old way of being.  And, I loved the fair!  I plan on going on more solo adventures in the near future.

Step Three:  take the rest of this year off from men.  This means no fantasy relationships and no dating either.  I want to give myself time to really integrate not being in a relationship before I put myself out there again.  You see, I’ve been single a lot but I’ve never not had a pretend boyfriend during those spaces in between my relationships.

Step four is to really be alone with myself.  I can distract myself for hours, reading fiction or browsing on the internet or watching movies.  I will be limiting those things from my daily life.  I want to spend more time writing, walking in nature, practicing yoga and meditation.  Even though I already do those things I am often not really present while I am.  I can honestly say this scares me.  Who wants to feel aloneness, right?  Me.  That’s who.  I want to kick this fears ass!

The goal of this is to accept that I am enough on my own and to never lose myself in a relationship again.  In my unconscious fear of feeling alone, when a relationship began to fail, I would change.  I would desperately become someone else to try to save the relationship.  I would abandon myself to stay with them.  This new way of being is a supreme act of self-love.  I know that I am up to the task, yet I am afraid.  I am afraid that I will never have that great love.  I am not there yet but I know this great love that I long for is me.

Find out more about Della here.

My Naked Heart

Light-in-Heart

My naked heart . . . grieves,
for lost lovers

My naked heart . . . sings,
for the joys of birth

My naked heart . . . longs,
for the sweetness of forgiveness

My naked heart . . . breathes,
in the fragrance of life

My naked heart . . . opens,
to the softness of love

My naked heart . . . weeps,
for the lost and the broken

My naked heart . . . lives,
each day with abandon

My naked heart . . . is,
without end . . .

Trust And The Inner Child

Sad-Child“Do you trust yourself,” my friend asked?  “No” I replied.

This conversation was several weeks ago and I don’t even remember what the context of the conversation was. I do know the question had a profound impact on me.

After that conversation I had to ask myself why?  Why didn’t I trust myself?  The answer lay with the child within.  She didn’t trust the adult to take care of her.  Why would she.  I had abandoned her.  I had ignored her voice.  It wasn’t until recently that I had even acknowledged her.

The evidence of my life shows me that I have always been provided for yet the fear of not being so persisted.  Fast forward weeks later and I find that the fear I have been living with my whole life has lessened.  I still feel fear but I can go within now and know that everything will be all right.

How did She come to trust me?  I had to consistently be there for her.  Whenever fear would show up I would go within and imagine myself holding her.  I had to show her time and time again that I would be there for her no matter what.  Now, when something happens in my world I can feel that everything is o.k.  It’s a different experience than I’ve had before.  I feel safe.  I feel loved.  I feel supported.  She feels heard.  I am no longer in conflict with my inner child needs and my outer adult expression.  We feel. . . One.

If you are interested in learning more about the inner child and how to become one with her check out my website.

Never Again Will I Let You Go

Clinging-girlfriendThat’s the vow I made in a past life to the man I was in relationship for the past year and a half in this life.

I made that vow a very long time ago.  Long before I met him this time around.  I recently went through training to be certified in hypnosis.  Because I was the only student in this training we could focus on the topics that most interested me.  Past Life Regression was at the top of the list.

The beautiful Madonna Kettler, my hypnosis trainer, brought me through a past life regression so I could understand the experience more fully.  We went into the regression with the intention that I would gain more understanding as to why I was struggling to let this man go.  Past Life Regression can help one gain insight into current unconscious patterns that can show up to sabotage our lives.

During this regression I saw that this man and I were farmers in Ireland during the Iron Age.  We were twin brothers and were very close.  Being twins in another life explained to me why I felt so connected to him.  In our life in Ireland he died of an infection and two days later I hung myself because I could not bear to live without him.  That was when I swore that we would be together again and that I would never again let him go.

In this life we broke up at the beginning of this year.  We decided to stay friends but he slowly stopped taking my calls and I never heard from him again.  It felt very much like a death.  My grief was like nothing I had ever experienced before.  I would do really well for a little while and then the grief would start all over again.

After this regression I had a sense of peace and understanding of why I felt so strongly about this man.  I could finally let go. . . or so I thought.  The next morning my grief was more intense than ever!  I reached out to him yet again asking him if we could still be friends and he, again, did not respond. I kept hoping that his non-response was a maybe.  What ever his reasons he wasn’t able to give me the closure I wanted and felt I needed to move on.  I had to do this on my own.

That vow I made to not let him go has been my prison.  It has kept me grieving and still longing for connection with this man.  I went out into the woods and talked to some of my favorite trees and asked for help letting go.  I knew i needed to break the vow I made so long ago.  It was keeping us both trapped in a prison of attachment.  I could not fully move forward in my life unless I did this.  So, I set my intention, and asked for help in letting go from my Nature Spirit Helpers.

I didn’t magically let go with a walk in the woods.  Yet, that intention did bring me to getting another regression.  This final regression helped me to understand even more fully the connection with this man and gave me the tools to release him.  I feel free this time.

Not everyone believes in past lives.  It doesn’t really matter because healing can still occur regardless of that belief.  My unconscious was holding onto a pattern that was keeping me stuck.  Even if I made all of this up, my imagination is helping me to see through metaphor how to heal.  That is the beauty of past life regression.  It makes the unconscious conscious and once that occurs we no longer need to be trapped by our unconscious behaviors.

Having this experience helped me make sense as to why I was grieving as long as I did.  It also showed me why I had been unable to move on.  I am now a certified hypnotist and am looking forward to helping many others find the answers they seek.  Whether that be through past life remembrance, metaphor or symbology, this technology is a great way to tap into our unconscious for health, healing, and wholeness.  You can find out more here.

Claiming Your Inner Child For Health, Happiness & Wholeness

7a43b6786034306c6d3ce3272c610803Have you claimed your Inner Child yet?  I for one, have dabbled here and there and promptly forgotten her when all was said and done.  The thing about the inner child is she will NOT be ignored!  The more our inner children are forgotten about the more they tend to act out.  I have recently reconnected with my inner child and she was a confused, frightened and lonely little girl.  She not only felt abandoned and alone she felt angry about it too.

I believe my Inner Child is at the root of my addictions and tendencies towards co-dependency.  Since she does not have the skill set to soothe herself she turns to sugar, carbs, obsessive behaviors and distraction.  This creates an imbalance in my system and disharmony in my life.  On the one hand, my Wise Self knows what actions she needs to take to create peace in my world. But, if I am not taking into account the needs of my inner child, I end up battling between my Wise Self and my Child Self.  This creates a cycle low self-esteem and shame.

They key to wholeness is claiming our Inner Child.

All my life I have wanted a man to claim me.  Time and time again I have picked unavailable men to be in relationship with.  When these relationships failed I became lost and heartbroken.   This work has shown me that if I am unwilling to claim myself then no one else can either.

Where to begin?

It begins with acknowledgement.  Once my inner child is acknowledged and heard she stops acting out and I have the power to take right action in my life again.  Yet, it takes more than that initial recognition.  It takes constancy.  I’ve begun to learn what my inner child’s voice sounds like.  When my behavior feels childish I can stop myself and ask what she needs.  When I ask my self, “Where did that come from?”  It is often my inner child trying to get her needs met in a way my adult never would.   It is, most often, that she needs to be heard.

The final piece of the puzzle is integration.  This takes time.  Before your inner child can be integrated there needs to be a relationship built between the parent (your adult self) and the inner child.  You will know when you’ve become integrated when you begin to feel more grounded, whole and complete.

Let’s say hi to our inner child.

Close your eyes for a moment and take a few deep breaths.  Go within your heart space or your belly and ask for your child to show themself.  What do they look like?  What emotions are they expressing?  Your child may be scared or angry.  Your child may be happy or sad.  What ever the case let the adult you embrace the child you.  Take a few more deep breaths and hold each other.  Talk to your child and let them know you love them.  Let them know that you are there to take care of them.  It may take awhile for your child to trust you.  This is normal.  Now say good-bye for now and come back to this present moment.  How did that feel?  Now do this again the next day, and the next, and . . . until you feel your child and you as one.

Find out about Della’s services here.

Is Your Inner Child In Charge of Your Relationship?

Claim Your Inner Child Workshop

Is It Safe For Men To Be Vulnerable?

older-men-greater-HPV-risk

Recently, one of my male friends posted something incredibly personal and vulnerable on social media.  My first response was “I don’t want to know that about this person.”  My second response was shock that I would have this thought in the first place. For years I have been wanting men to become more vulnerable and share their emotional self and when one of them do I turned away.  I didn’t turn away for long.  I caught myself fairly quickly but my initial reaction gave me pause to see where I still have work to do and the challenge that men are having with being vulnerable in today’s world.

A former boyfriend would always tell me “We got this!”  I felt safe and supported when he would say this to me.  How do men be both strong and vulnerable for us?  The only way they can is if, we as women, allow them to be.  Me saying, “I don’t want to know this about you,” doesn’t create a safe place for vulnerability to occur.

The world we live in has conditioned us to see vulnerability in men as weakness.  When in truth, it takes great courage and strength to become vulnerable. The only way to change this is if we allow one another to be our authentic selves.  Authenticity is often messy and emotional. Holding space is a sacred act that we do when we listen.  True listening involves not just hearing the words that someone speaks but being completely present for them as well.   We have a long way to go with creating a place of safety for men to become vulnerable.  I wonder how the world would change if we did?

This is one view and it is completely from a feminine perspective.  I would love to hear from men what they need from women and even other men to feel safe with being vulnerable.  Please tell us what you need so we can be there for you in a much more sacred way.

Della’s website can be found here.

p.s. – Since I wrote this several days ago I’ve had the awareness that in turning away from this male friend I was also turning away from my own inner man . . . food for thought.

Finding Love The Old Fashioned Way

This post showed up in my Facebook memories today. I wrote this 1 year ago about how I met my boyfriend. It made me cry as this relationship is now over. I am grateful that I had such a beautiful experience yet I keep painfully struggling with the loss of this love.

I know that true love can never be lost. That the grief I am feeling isn’t from the loss of love but from the loss of Self. The pain is from the story I keep writing about this breakup. This story includes, abandonment, rejection, unavailability, and obsession. This story was written long before I even met this man. Every day I am looking at my pain and seeing my story. Every day I have to choose love time and time again. Love of him, love of the experience but mostly love of Self. The gift here is that I am seeing patterns that have long been part of all of my relationships with men and even some women. This has been hard. I know I have the courage to see it through even on the days where I seem to fail myself. I no longer want to take this story into any future relationships. My true love is me.

Della McGee

nature-heart-love-storm-Favim.com-509774

I met him in a coffee shop last summer.  I wasn’t looking for romance.  I was looking for free internet.  I asked to sit down beside him because the spot was in the sun.  The fact that he was male didn’t even register.   He said yes I could sit and didn’t he see me at the library yesterday?  Yes, that’s right.  I did see you at the library.  I didn’t tell him that I thought he was a bit stalkerish when I saw him there because of the way he kept staring at me.  I had ignored him at the library.

We chatted for an hour in the coffee shop.  As I got up to leave I handed him my business card.  I asked him to go to my website and if what I did for a living didn’t scare him off he should give me a call.  He called…

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