Letting Go of Motherhood

James & MeFor the past 2 weeks I have been experiencing chronic back pain.  I have done all the usual things that someone like me who is an alternative therapies junkie can think of to release the pain.  Yoga, castor oil packs, chakra cleansing, massage, barefoot hiking and more have all been part of this healing regime.  I am a firm believer that my physical symptoms have an emotional cause.

Yoga seems to be where I can get in touch with the messages my body wants to speak due to the quiet that comes over me during the practice.  I know the root of my symptoms are stemming from my first and second chakras by where the pain has been radiating from.

The first chakra (base of the spine) holds our ideas about safety and security and governs the skeletal system. The second chakra (naval) holds the energy of creativity and sexuality and governs the sex organs.  Every thing below the navel in my back and legs has been stiff, sore and uncomfortable as hell.

When I tuned into my body during my yoga practice I got the message that my pain was due to my son leaving for Swaziland and the Peace Corps for 27 months.  I won’t be able to pick up the phone and talk to him whenever I feel like it.  I won’t be able to text him to tell him I love him whenever the mood strikes.  My son will not have the luxuries that we have here in the West.  He doesn’t even know if he will have access to electricity until he gets there, much less a cell phone.

The grief that I thought I was dealing with so well has shown up in my body.  My identity as a mother is being challenged to let go.  Because I have been unconsciously resistant to my identity changing, my body has been holding itself tightly and creating pain and stiffness.

Now that I know the emotional roots of my physical pain I can begin the true healing journey.  For me that begins with willingness.  “I am willing to be willing to be willing.” I plan to continue to get massage and chiropractic care and what ever else I am guided to do.

I will never not be my son’s mother.  But I willingly let go of that particular attachment to my identity.  Being James’ mother is a part of me but not the totality of me.  As I write this there are tears of release and relief.  The more that I free my son from my attachments the more free he becomes to be who he is meant to be.

Della offers many healing services.  You can find out more about her here.

Is Your Inner Child In Charge of Your Relationship?

babycryingMine sure has been.  She has picked every single man I have dated in the past 25 years.  Now these have not been bad men.  They have all been beautiful.  My inner child can see an awesome playmate a mile away.  She is drawn to innocence, gentleness, humor and fun.  Every one of these relationships was incredible in their own way.  That is, until my adult showed up.  That is usually the point where the relationship would dissolve and the tantrums (mine) would begin.

While talking to a friend, I was sharing my struggles with letting go of my last  boyfriend.  We had recently broke up and I couldn’t seem to let him go.  My friend playfully pointed out that I was acting like a brat.  He said this with love but what I heard was that I was acting like a child.  He said you want this man and only him and it can’t be any other way.  And it was absolutely true.  He reminded me of what my adult wanted, a helpmate.  My inner child was willing to compromise what the grownup me wanted to get back together with this man.  The internal struggle would always look something like this.

“But I love him so much!”

“Yes, but he’s not for you.”

“But I know he loves me.”

“He’s not available,” says my adult self.  “You want someone who will return your calls, tell you he loves you first, build a life together, step up to the plate. . .”

“But, but, but . . . ”

Through the help of this friend I was able to see how my inner child has been in charge of my romantic relationships and keeping me in pain.

Parenting Your Inner Child

Once I became aware of my pattern of behavior I imagined myself holding my inner 2-year-old in my arms.  I told her that she had to let this man go.  I told her I understood how much she wanted and liked this person but he was not the right man for us now.  I told her I wanted her help in the future because I wasn’t always able to see like she could see.  I told her, with her help, the adult me would decide how to proceed with any future romance.  As I imagined holding my inner child I cried like I hadn’t cried before.  I cried like a parent whose child is hurting and you’re hurting because they are.  I cried cleansing tears.  I cried tears of love and acceptance that things were exactly as they were meant to be.

This was my first real step in moving forward.  It took awhile to get there.  Acknowledging my inner child was the key.

You can find out more about Della and who she is here.

Claim Your Inner Child Workshop