While entering into an abundance meditation this morning Spider came to me. She showed me that building her web is the part she plays in co-creating abundance. There is no grasping or being greedy. She trusts in the process of life. Building her web is executing her plan. Laying in wait is trusting the Universe to bring her abundance.
How does this vision translate to the mundane world? I have been very busy spinning my web since I moved back to the Twin Cities a month ago. I have been planning new workshops for 2018. I started teaching a new yoga class in Hastings and another one will begin in January in Eagan. My nature would have me keep spinning more and more web but Spider is telling me that my plan (web) is ready. Spider says now it is time to trust in the Universe and allow the abundance to come.
That is the question Guidance asked me this morning. My answer. . .
Imagine me hemming and hawing and shifting from one foot to the other. The question made me uncomfortable. I couldn’t answer it definitively. Sometimes the answer is yes but mostly it is no, at least when it comes to money.
In working with my Spirit Guide of Money this morning it became clear to me that I am very good at manifesting money but have shame around not being able to keep money. Money seems to run right through my fingers. My guide assured me that is all in alignment with flow. She reminded me that there is always more where that came from.
My programming says that I must be doing something wrong if I can’t keep money. That same shame keeps me from manifesting more than just enough to keep me going from day-to-day. I was listening to The Ted Radio Hour and the musician Amanda Palmer was on. She gives her music away for free. Amanda and her band couch surf when she is on tour. People share their food with her. She has complete trust that she will be provided for. I admire that. Having complete trust in humanity is a rare thing these days. More than anything she trusts herself to manifest whatever she may need.
Giving up control like that frightens the shit right out of me. It’s that very control that I am wielding over my life that keeps me small. It keeps me from having more. Being more. Expressing. More. The first step to freedom is awareness. I am aware of how I have held myself back. It’s time to breathe and let go. That is the second step to freedom. . .
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“Do you trust yourself,” my friend asked? “No” I replied.
This conversation was several weeks ago and I don’t even remember what the context of the conversation was. I do know the question had a profound impact on me.
After that conversation I had to ask myself why? Why didn’t I trust myself? The answer lay with the child within. She didn’t trust the adult to take care of her. Why would she. I had abandoned her. I had ignored her voice. It wasn’t until recently that I had even acknowledged her.
The evidence of my life shows me that I have always been provided for yet the fear of not being so persisted. Fast forward weeks later and I find that the fear I have been living with my whole life has lessened. I still feel fear but I can go within now and know that everything will be all right.
How did She come to trust me? I had to consistently be there for her. Whenever fear would show up I would go within and imagine myself holding her. I had to show her time and time again that I would be there for her no matter what. Now, when something happens in my world I can feel that everything is o.k. It’s a different experience than I’ve had before. I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel supported. She feels heard. I am no longer in conflict with my inner child needs and my outer adult expression. We feel. . . One.
If you are interested in learning more about the inner child and how to become one with her check out my website.
For awhile now I’ve been experiencing strange physical symptoms that are keeping me very distracted. I’ve journalled about it and have even asked my IGS (Internal Guidance System) what the cause of my symptoms are? IGS keeps telling me that the cause of my symptoms is fear. I’d sit with that information and then would invariably end up going down a rabbit hole via Google searching symptoms and thus “cures”. This is what I mean by keeping distracted.
While reading my friend Katelyn Mariah’s blog post yesterday I as able to hear the truth in what my IGS has been telling me for the past several weeks. In her blog Katelyn was able to ask herself some deep questions that uncovered ways in which she was not practicing prosperity consciousness. Katelyn’s post reached me in a way my IGS hadn’t. Even though the topic of my friends blog post is prosperity consciousness it goes deeper than that. Prosperity consciousness or its opposite, lack consciousness goes way beyond the pocket-book.
What my guidance, through the symptoms of my body, has been trying to tell me is just how much fear I still carry and thus lack consciousness.
This morning when I awoke I noticed all the anxiety (fear) I have been experiencing. Now that I’m aware of where my lack consciousness is hiding out (for me its body symptoms) I can shift it. How I accomplished that this morning was by being still. I lay in bed for 2 1/2 hours before I felt the shift. How I have kept myself distracted (hiding) from my fears so far is by keeping busy. I usually get right out of bed and start my day. I rarely have moments of stillness. Today I was determined to be with my fears, not engaging those fears in mental warfare but through observation and non-attachment. Here are some other ways to shift fear:
Tools To Shift Fear
Breathe – my first yoga teacher taught me that you can’t hold fear in the body and breathe deeply at the same time. Try it. You’ll like it.
Yoga – Fear gets trapped in the body and yoga opens the body up and release negative emotions. A fellow yogi once expressed to me that all resistance in the body is fear. Yup.
Being out in nature – Go for a walk, run, bike ride or sit by a body of water. Nature has a way of calming the body and the mind and bringing to our awareness a peace that already exists underneath the fear.
Sing – Put on your favorite yoga music or straight up rock and roll. Sing along with your favorite songs. Using our voice in a proactive way is another tool to free oneself from fear.
Exercise – Any exercise helps release anxiety from the body. Underneath the fear is peace.
All these tools I have in my tool box yet there are some days I get caught up in distraction or busyness. As I write this I can feel the anxiety (fear) back in my body. I’m not alarmed by this return of the fear. I know it’s on its way out now. This is a life long pattern that I don’t really expect to shift in one sitting. Though, I do believe it can. . .
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