This post showed up in my Facebook memories today. I wrote this 1 year ago about how I met my boyfriend. It made me cry as this relationship is now over. I am grateful that I had such a beautiful experience yet I keep painfully struggling with the loss of this love.
I know that true love can never be lost. That the grief I am feeling isn’t from the loss of love but from the loss of Self. The pain is from the story I keep writing about this breakup. This story includes, abandonment, rejection, unavailability, and obsession. This story was written long before I even met this man. Every day I am looking at my pain and seeing my story. Every day I have to choose love time and time again. Love of him, love of the experience but mostly love of Self. The gift here is that I am seeing patterns that have long been part of all of my relationships with men and even some women. This has been hard. I know I have the courage to see it through even on the days where I seem to fail myself. I no longer want to take this story into any future relationships. My true love is me.
I met him in a coffee shop last summer. I wasn’t looking for romance. I was looking for free internet. I asked to sit down beside him because the spot was in the sun. The fact that he was male didn’t even register. He said yes I could sit and didn’t he see me at the library yesterday? Yes, that’s right. I did see you at the library. I didn’t tell him that I thought he was a bit stalkerish when I saw him there because of the way he kept staring at me. I had ignored him at the library.
We chatted for an hour in the coffee shop. As I got up to leave I handed him my business card. I asked him to go to my website and if what I did for a living didn’t scare him off he should give me a call. He called…
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